#MovieThread V: Definitely Not The Final Frontier, Chapter Twelve — December Edition
From 2020 to 2023 I watched 1492 movies. This year so far, I've watched another 424, for a total of 1916 movies.
Numbers still check out.
This month:
* Wanna wrap up the horror list this year.
Previous thread: beepboop.one/@Alexis/113408934…
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •I forgot to thread this to either thread, but #1917, or #425, was 2024's "Elevation."
beepboop.one/@Alexis/113578188…
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •I've got a cold and trying to make comics today would not be productive, so I'm thinking, whatever looks dumbest on the Horror List until morale improves, it's --
#1918, or #426, 2020's "Tremors: Shrieker Island."
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Walking out of the cinema after "Elevation" yesterday, I said, "you know, I'd go see a sequel to this."
The Brother: "There's no way /Elevation/ is getting a sequel."
Me: "There are seven Tremors movies, Elevation can get a sequel."
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •"Something about this hunt just doesn't feel right."
is it the part where you're hunting a Graboid
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"Travis is in a Mexican jail."
yeah that sounds like him
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this cool archer should-a been the protagonist, maybe
like what's napoleon dynamite even doing here if she's also on the table
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burt happens to have been hiding on a nearby island because the government of nevada wants him to install a sewer in his land
yeah, that seems like him
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"Look, it's your destiny, Mr Gummer. Your /destiny/."
oh he's definitely dead by the end of this, right
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"Destiny's a bitch."
spoken like a man who's already installed Destiny 2
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"We're completely... gun-less?"
libertarian prepper fantasy-ass franchise
not because of the not having guns but because they always figure out how to kill shit and blow shit up even without guns
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"Graboids [...] don't swim!"
two movies ago you were one hundo certain they only existed in north america
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"Destiny's a bitch."
local man realises he's in the one where he beefs it
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alright, the way this dives headfirst off a cliff and dies does really work
good way to go out
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he died as he lived
by flipping off the thing trying to control him
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •I do not know what this is about, except, presumably, that there is a house, it is hell, and it is incorporated, it's --
#1919, or #427, 2015's "Hell House LLC."
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"I've been to a lot of scary places in my life, and there was no way I was going down those stairs. No way."
hell basement llc
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"I'm in a better place now."
oh something up with her for sure
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"We gotta keep Hell House fresh, okay."
put the car air fresheners everywhere, hell house gotta smell like pine
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"I'm almost certain the group knew anything about the hotel."
honestly if they did they'd just be more into it
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"So we just all woke up at the same time?"
spooky
haunted by the ghost of andrew tully's alarm clock
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"Hey man, how many freaks did we have?"
this is the part where I'd be making a hard and fast exit
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"Alex is more confident than ever."
absolutely am not
get the fuck out while you still can
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"Explain to me right now how that fucking head turned!!"
"Haven't figured that out yet."
well you see it's got a scarem in there
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"No!! This isn't part of the show!!"
well that could mean anything
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oh so that's what went down at the hell house huh
yeah i get why you don't turn those tapes over
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"You know, you should really try and get in the house if you can, see what's inside."
a scarem WOULD say that
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"Come on, don't be such a pussy."
ma'am people died here
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"She said 2C, right?"
fuuuck
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pending handle 🎏
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •This one's off Netflix in a few days, so let's watch --
#1920, or #428, 2018's "Insidious: The Last Key."
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"They're fryin' somebody! Ye're on the Hades Express, mister!!"
jeezus
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I guess that's the psychic--
"Elise!"
yeah her
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"That's not a ghost."
obi-wan voice, that's a space station
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ooh, oof, ouch, bookshelved
this exactly what her from How To Die Alone was afraid of
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •[to the TMNT theme tune] Ralph Fiennes in a pope election~
Leaving now to go see --
#1921, or #429, 2024's "Conclave."
🇹 Ti
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •what... how
English is a terrible language
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •* It's an airport novel-ass potboiler (complimentary).
* I love watching slightly world-strange cardinals putter around. Tremblay with his coffee machine. Tedesco with his little vape. Lawrence second hat reveal.
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •* Terrific Fiennes performance. So controlled, so aware of who he is and who he can't be, and then, occasionally, the way he breaks.
* In the end all of this is silly. The self-importance lends it a gravitas, but the way the movie knows all of it is silly lends it a campness -- the performance of it all, the robes, the sequestering, the way they care about shit that ultimately will never matter.
Alex Daily!
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Well, I'm off to see the Wizard. Leaving now for --
#1922, or #430, 2024's "Wicked: Part One."
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •I could write up a whole read, right, but... to be hated and feared first for being different, and then for being right. For not being wicked but for having been made it, explicitly, by the real darkness.
Glinda, the ultimate Ally, who is only with you because she benefits from your presence, who doesn't in all honesty get why she doesn't get her own pride flag, who will make you believe she's on your side until she'd feed you to the fucking flying monkeys.
(To Glinda I say: Die.)
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Kim Possible
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Alex Daily!
in reply to Kim Possible • • •Alex Daily! reshared this.
Kim Possible
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •The movie that dares to ask, what if these two series crossed over at the exact point where you've fully stopped caring about them, it's --
#1923, or #431, 2016's "Sadako vs Kayako."
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •"I'm a welfare officer of Tachibana district, you don't appear to be notable, are you okay?"
right yeah subs on these have been down the shitter at the end, too
hi i'm with the welfare office of your district, it looks like your wikipedia page is at risk of deletion
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"Folklore is passed down, relying solely on memory. But the cursed video legend is different."
of course it is
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"It's just an urban legend. See, there's no call from Sadako--"
[the phone rings]
well yes
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So, tape deaths so far:
* Elderly person from the prologue.
* Welfare worker who found her.
* Worker at the thrift store that bought all of the elderly person's things who watched the tape when it came in.
They've now sensibly gone to the urban legends lecturer to show him.
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The lecturer is absolutely obsessed with meeting Sadako.
bro this is not how you get gf
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* The university girls who found the tape. (They've met Sadako.)
* A high schooler and her family who've moved in down the road from the Saeki house.
* Three evil elementary school boys and the kid they're bullying to go into the Saeki house. (Currently actively encountering Toshio.)
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Wh-- Who-- What--
A little blind girl in red and a man in a leather jacket who we've never seen before have walked into the picture!
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"What's your idea?"
"Have two evil ghouls fight each other."
fucking finally
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"Four elementary school boys went missing."
no. not on Ju-On Avenue.
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"It ran away. Kayako wouldn't do that."
classic Toshio/the cat behaviour
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fuck me, this Ju-On house has a well in the backyard??
we're meeting at the combination Ju-On house/Ring island???
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"I uploaded it to the internet."
WHY
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oh right doy to pass it on
"Everyone will die!"
don't say that with a /smile/!!
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"Can't do anything about the internet."
you're so right tamao
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"My curse and your curse will fight."
slamming the one cartridge into the other like Sonic 3 & Knuckles
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"I'm Yuri."
"I am Suzuka."
Ring half of the movie, meet Ju-On half of the movie, Ju-On half of the movie, meet Ring half of the movie.
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"Sorry, but one of you must be sacrificed."
dude
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The lid on the well is not enough to hold their combined powers back -- they've fused and have come out of the well as SADAKAYA
cut to black
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extremely stupid
kicked ass
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •The shortest and almost certainly worst thing still left on the horror list, this is 73 minutes long and a slasher based on the Tate murders that is only on here because there's a very minor character from Conjuring in it, it's --
#1924, or #432, 2016's "Wolves at the Door."
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Thinking about what notes I'd give this tasteless and reprehensible project.
First of all, don't.
But if you must, do the opposite of what you're doing -- instead of having the Manson Family being essentially faceless and nameless monsters, whose context is entirely unilluminated, reducing them to slasher monsters, what if we /made them people/?
Not that anyone involved in this could pull that off.
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Tate and friends here are nothing, they're non-entity non-characters whose sole function is to die. Could that be commentary about how we think about them from our modern perspective?
I don't think the picture is capable of thinking at that level.
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •This is, surely, if nothing else, at least better, it's --
#1925, or #433, 2020's "Gretel & Hansel."
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Gretel here is a young woman looking for a job in the middle of "a pestilence" to help out and be able to keep her brother fed.
Hansel is but a wee lad.
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Mrs Gretelandhansel is unhappy about how Gretel turned down a job because of the person offering it being a rancid pervert, so now they're unhoused and living in the woods.
This is not ideal, but you start to see how they get to "and then we figured we'd gnaw on a house."
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"Because you're a pig."
two movies in a row where people get called pig
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They've taken to eating random mushrooms, just in case you needed a way into a dumb "it's all a drug trip" theory.
Oh, they're already tripping balls.
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"Gretel... Is that... there?"
"If it isn't, neither are we."
upsides and downsides
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There's an old bit of writing advice from, if I recall correctly, King, though I get it from Gadzikowski, about how you can absolutely tell the story of Hansel and Gretel without doing the bit about the breadcrumbs, but the breadcrumbs are the bit everyone remembers.
This does not appear to be doing the bit about the breadcrumbs.
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The witch has taken Gretel and Hansel in, because she's old and they're young, and so can help her around the house.
She's now started sniffing Hansel.
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"Something's wrong here."
"But it's so pleasant!"
"But tell me what hides behind the pleasantness?"
oh gretel you're always greteling things, I say, taking another evil cake
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"What did you do with my brother?"
"I am only moving him out of your way."
gretel solo artist era
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"I know that is your favourite story, but you have been telling it wrong."
oh the girl in the pink cap is the witch's /daughter/
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Good, but I get why people don't vibe with it.
Also, damn, really no breadcrumbs, huh.
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •The only Oz Perkins picture I ain't seen, it's --
#1926, or #434, 2016's "I Am The Pretty Thing That Lives In The House."
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •"I have heard myself say... that a house with a death in it... can never again be bought or sold by the living. It can only be borrowed from the ghosts that have stayed behind."
oh I see we're doing Ju-On again
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fuck me she's even in the house what's got a death in it to check on someone
in the context of she's a hospice nurse who's come to take care of somebody in the end stages of their life, but STILL
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anyway, Ruth Wilson plays a hospice nurse taking care of an elderly pulp horror novelist, whose books Ruth Wilson hasn't read, so they definitely mirror the situation she's in in various ways, right, got it
and there's a movie of one? could we turn that on instead.
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •I did not care for the first one very much, but alright, it's --
#1927, or #435, 2016's "Ouija: Origin of Evil."
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"Who helped you with this?"
"My new friend."
"Who's your new friend?"
see this is part of why I wanna-- not stop watching horror, but change up the ratio to much less horror for a good while, because I fully see the matrix on these, I've seen every single bit of this before
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"I'm not an expert on the occult."
bro you're a priest
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oh my god
one of the rules on the ouija board is, don't play in a graveyard
their house's basement is full of dead bodies
"We played in a graveyard."
they played in a graveyard
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"Where is she."
"She's part of the walls now."
oh okay
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •I do not know what this is about, but it's the one Leigh Whannell-directed picture I ain't seen, it's --
#1928, or #436, 2018's "Upgrade."
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"What does it do?"
"Literally anything."
it'll write your emails for you and read your emails for you and we haven't quite figured out the rest of it yet
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"But it would have to be... our secret."
kill this billionaire
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he was a perfect candidate for the spine chip
who could-a known
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the chip talks to him in his head, has enhanced the drone footage, and has used his hand to perfectly print a reconstruction of the shooter's tattoo of directly identifying information
which of course the cops would never be able to verify, so couldn't do anything with, because this is about cyborg vigilante justice
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"I just killed somebody."
technically the chip did
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"Please don't ask my gender."
finally a relatable character
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Movie about how they invented dudes, it's --
#1929, or #437, 2018's "First Man."
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"I got it."
"It's a fresh start."
turning your life around after the death of a loved one by *squints at notes* getting your entire ass shot into space
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"I'm okay, let's go again."
neil man no hogging the g-force simulator
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"Houston, I think we overdid a little."
houston we hit space and a half
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The space stuff gets really drowned out by the dour domestic drama of it all.
But god, the score, though.
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"Fate has ordained..."
oh no the alternative speech always fucking gets me ;__;
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"Come back, will ya?"
nowhere else to go on da moon is there
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imagine touching the moon
imagine walking on it, imagine kicking up its dust
imagine the moon
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imagine the moon
under your feet
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gorgeous
breathtaking film
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like the domestic drama does crowd it all out a bit
but then you get to the moon landing and
fuck
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •This is the last first movie on the horror list, everything else is either sequels or standalone, it's --
#1930, or #438, 2018's "Bird Box."
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •"Under no circumstance are you allowed to take off your blindfold."
just watched a Chris Gethard Show episode that was like this
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"People have to stop being so stupid!"
again, big early pandemic moon
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"Gotta be an image out there, they have to have released some kind of video..."
yeah that's what you'd expect in a movie that didn't clearly decide in post-production to just never show the monster huh
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"Take your goddamn blindfold off!!"
anti-maskers are here
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"It shall cleanse the world! Everyone must look!!"
oh so you can just, survive it
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"All of us collectively are making the end of the world... GREAT AGAIN!!"
I already thought he could get in the bin but now his bin can get in the bin.
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"Birdies?"
"Yeah, they seem to sense when the... monsters are around."
now explain box
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"...Where's the goddamn car?"
"You guys, where are Lucy and Felix."
solved two mysteries in one there
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"The scariest thing is, when these people broke in? They weren't wearing blindfolds."
so if you're a lunatic instead of it making you kill yourself it turns you into an evangelist, got it
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Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Another one that probably sucks -- LA setting + white lead in a movie based on Mexican folklore -- but it's got the priest from off "Annabelle" in it, so, it's --
#1931, or #439, 2019's "The Curse of La Llorona."
Alex Daily!
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woof, not just a white lead in a movie based on Mexican folklore, she's a social worker checking in on a Mexican woman who doesn't speak a lotta English (this is a Ju-On)
wandering around her apartment, she finds a clearly cursed door -- big scary markings -- and gets told in no uncertain terms (hammer) not to go in, but actively disrespects her wishes
yeah, there's two boys in there, but it sure is White People Nonsense
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those two boys were upset at being taken out of that closet, so I guess it's less "curse" and more "protection spell"? they were truant from school, presumably because they were in that closet not getting eaten by ghosts
(reverse Annabelle: Creation)
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"I tried to stop her!!"
"Who! Who did you try to stop?"
"La Llorona."
of the curse of, or unrelated
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"Honey, what happened to your arm?"
"I fell."
there is no age where I wouldn't-a told my parents about da ghost in da backyard
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"What are you doing in my house?!"
a reasonable question to ask a ghost honestly
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"A few years ago, I placed little stock in legends, myths, things that go bump in the night. But then... there was an incident... with a doll."
oh, an actual direct connection, flashback footage and everything, to the Conjuring franchise
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dull, generic
if you erased this from existence it would have an absolute net neutral effect on the world around it
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •You WILL believe a man can hunt, leaving now to go see --
#1932, or #440, 2024's "Kraven the Hunter."
Alex Daily!
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Like, it's a Sony Marvel movie about the guy who hunts Spider-Man that don't got Spider-Man in it.
Just like how "Madame Web" just aggressively didn't have Spider-Man in it, just like how "Venom" and "Morbius" didn't have Spider-Man in them.
You already know what this movie is.
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These never /really/ did numbers. When Sony got trolled into rereleasing "Morbius" it might have done negative numbers.
Outside of weirdoes like me who found joy in the gonzo madness of the first "Venom," they were never really /for/ anyone. Nobody was jonesing for a movie about the guy whose one good story fundamentally has to have Spider-Man in it without Spider-Man in it.
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Everyone here kind of understands the assignment, which is to make a bad movie. There's fun bits. A good fight, a good chase.
The CGI occasionally makes Kraven feel weightless, and characters regularly teleport or know things they shouldn't, but I liked several of the action sequences, and though it never intentionally managed to make me laugh, occasionally a body got flung around in a slapsticky way that got me.
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2024's "Kraven the Hunter" marks, we've been told, the end of this particular side story. A franchise that always felt like it was made to please the executives of another universe, one where not "Iron Man" but "Daredevil" and "Elektra" were the breakout superhero hits of the 00s.
It never made sense in /this/ universe.
But fuck, I'll kinda fucking miss it?
Anke
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Alex Daily!
in reply to Anke • • •pending handle 🎏
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Alex Daily!
in reply to pending handle 🎏 • • •@kurt The Daily Bugle explicitly exists in most of these, he's out there somewhere, no way to know what's missing from his life.
"Get me pictures of... something better."
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •It's a winter Friday the 13th, and so, once again, it's --
#1933, or #441, 2020 "Friday the 13th" fan film "Never Hike in the Snow."
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"Would you mind if I took a look around in Mark's room?"
"Why?"
could be clues in there that he was planning to get axed in the jaw by jason
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There's always at least one guy in these who is fully aware of the Jason Zone and how deadly it would be to go into the Jason Zone who ends up in there anyway -- this guy has a map with the Jason Zone clearly marked and a post-it reading "DO NOT FORGET."
so, what, dude forgot?
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If the world is well aware of the Jason Zone and people still regularly get killed there, why hasn't the Jason Zone just been fenced off. Why isn't this public knowledge. Why has America not simply thrown its giant army at it.
Because, like, I'd watch Jason fight and kill the entire American armed forces.
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Yeah, I'll watch an airport thriller where Jason Bateman plays a terrorist, sure, it's --
#1934, or #442, 2024 luggage picture "Carry-On."
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"They could come two hours early like we tell 'em to, but they don't."
excuse you, if I'm not at the airport three hours before my flight it's because I've died
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so the evil plot so far is, they've got a single airpod earbud into Taron Egerton's ear by having it show up in somebody's bin, they text him to put it in his ear, they tell him "One bag for one life" and ask that he let one Crime Bag through or they'll kill his coworker's family.
it's his coworker's family because he only got a promotion to this desk this morning
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"I gave you some pretty simple rules. You got cute. I'd say you killed him."
incorrect. common villain mistake. killing somebody is actually done by killing them.
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"I thought you said you weren't a terrorist."
"I'm not. Terrorists kill for religious or political or social objectives."
his pitch is he's not a terrorist because he's just doing his job but let's be honest he doesn't think of himself as a terrorist because he's a white guy
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"I'm not shutting down LAX and 300 planes on Christmas Eve without a direct call from Homeland."
mayor from Jaws-ass director of LAX over here
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"Tell her to let that plane take off."
oh now taking off is GOOD is it
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pending handle 🎏
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in reply to pending handle 🎏 • • •@kurt It's also not one of those British Carry On movies!
...But I'd watch "Carry On Carrie."
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Two of these left. Where "Ju-On"'s problem has been that they've stuck too closely to the formula, these have fully devolved into absolute nonsense a million miles removed from anything I cared about, it's --
#1935, or #443, 2019's "Sadako."
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •"She was buried here."
They buried her in the side of a rock wall on a coast? Dogshit place to bury anything. Water erosion alone.
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The subtitles on this one are absolute shit but I also can't find better ones.
...Wait, these Dutch ones might be alright, shockingly.
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Key to me to Ring is, just like Ju-On, it has to be about the way extreme violence and trauma and pain bleeds into the world, leaving a stain on it.
Making Sadako just a scary ghost is like giving Batman a big gun to kill bad guys with -- you *could* do it, but it's extremely bad odds that you're just missing the fucking point.
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"Sadako..."
oh hold on, *checks* she was in the first two
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the whole original thing was, the trauma of psychic teenager Sadako's death was so great that the airwaves picked it up and broadcast it, somebody taped that by accident, that became the cursed video
how did cursed video get into these youtube videos. are you fucking telling me that her death got broadcast straight into this influencer's Final Cut timeline
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even though this is nonsense we once again return to An Island where the two leads will look for and find Sadako's watery grave
leave her grave alone you ghouls
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nonsense
what are we even doing here
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Checking off the final Ring/Sadako film from my list, it's --
#1936, or #444, 2022's "Sadako DX."
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"Sudden death, a new kind of viral curse."
ah so this one's about social media
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"Everyone, please don't ever watch this cursed video even out of curiosity."
I'm fully on team curses aren't real but I also have horror movie genre savvy survival instinct, and so would never watch the cursed video
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Key rule change: The death line is 24 hours now.
At least this one has rules again.
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"Wouldn't you like to solve the mystery of this curse?"
wouldst thou like to live dangerously
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The protagonist is a Sherlock Holmes type -- she accurately deduces her mother visited her father's grave earlier that day from finding a Pomeranian dog hair on the seat of her car.
At least it's a fresh take on just being Ring again.
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this time the cursed video is coming live from the psychic's backyard
"This could just be fake footage!"
"Like Dwayne Johnson!!"
what?
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the guy she's been hanging with trying to solve this is a hyperactive idiot and his whole vibe is completely at odds with the rest of the picture
it doesn't work at all, he's annoying, and chafes with everything around him -- but it kinda works for me? it's at least an interesting tonal dissonance, it at least creates something that somewhat resembles a silly movie about a cursed video tape.
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oh I get it, they didn't pass it on, they refreshed the countdown by watching it again
it's not exactly Da Rules but at least it's Some Rules
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"So we have to constantly get the Sadako virus??"
rewatching a short video once every 24 hours, that's not that bad
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victory here should not be a comic moment where Sadako tumbles back into her well, the most dominant symbol of her trauma
but oh well
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one year later they're all calling each other over zoom every day to rewatch the video
finding friendship and connecting with others over, *squints at notes* keeping the ghost of a girl thrown into a well by her father figure exactly at bay to the point that she's chilling at the dinner table like a pet
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oh, lol
post-credits scene of her coming out of her well in the cinema
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this thing is all over the place
I didn't dislike that, even if I wouldn't call it successful, but the end, buhhh
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Meow! 🐱
Leaving now to go see --
#1937, or #445, 2024's "Flow."
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Terrific! Cinema's top cat!
Impressed by how controlled this is -- even in its wet apocalypse, the stakes never really raise beyond what a cat would care about. And what a cat cares about, I care about.
It's a good thing it sticks so firmly to a realistic cat's perspective because I suspect a lot of this world would fall apart at the lightest human touch? But no, lovely, occasionally very powerful stuff.
Alex Daily!
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Wasn't gonna go out of my way to see the Robbie Williams CGI monkey biopic immediately but it's the members only night and if I turn down free popcorn and a drink, I've been bodysnatched, so, leaving now to go see —
#1938, or #446, 2024's "Better Man."
Alex Daily!
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •It's also staggeringly honest to the point of being disarming -- Robbie is a deeply insecure asshole for most of the picture, but the monkey makes you /get/ it, you know? -- and the monkey thing is surprisingly key to the whole thing working not just at all but as incredibly well as it does.
You'll laugh, you'll forget he's a monkey, and then the monkey will make you cry.
Alex Daily!
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Alex Daily!
in reply to 🇹 Ti • • •@The_T god, M&Ms in coke
but I'd eat that candle, smells great
🇹 Ti
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •oh wait, I did the joke all wrong
put the candle in the coke to have a pissy shitties candle
pending handle 🎏
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •I meant to watch this last year, because I understand it's a Hallmark Hanukkah Groundhog Day time loop picture starring Vic Michaelis from off Dropout, but then the holidays ran out before I got to it, so, it's --
#1939, or #447, 2023's "Round and Round."
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"You!"
"You?"
the guy she ran into that caused her to drop the donuts is also the guy her grandma is trying to set her up with
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these jokes about how this dude plays D&D are NOT aimed at the "watching this for Vic from Dropout" crowd
dude can't even say "dodecahedron"
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17 minutes in and the thing with the dude isn't really working. Every other named dude is family. The grandma's gifted her an old family dreidel.
I assume the dreidel is magic, will put her in the time loop, and that'll be how she gets together with him.
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"So this is gonna sound... a little out there..."
Trying but failing to tell somebody on the first loop, classic.
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"Look, maybe [breaking up with the dingdong boyfriend] will stop the loop!"
rachel, you're in a Hallmark movie, clearly getting together with your soulmate the dude will stop the loop
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he has a whole thing about how he's a cartoonist but his art is fucking mid as hell
extreme 00s keenspace energy on this man
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"We gotta get those donuts to the party unscathed."
yeah doy
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"We really did all that."
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That was a lot fun and very charming, but does leave me with the impression that I've now pretty cleanly watched the best Hallmark holiday movie?
Still, an effective delivery mechanism for the thing I wanted from it.
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •On my horror list, this is the... penultimate second movie in a series that's also the latest in the series, it's --
#1940, or #448, 2019's "Zombieland: Double Tap."
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"Why not go big... and go home."
Famously there's something else people say about how having your pie and eating it, too, not practically possible, etcetera.
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •It's the final second-and-most-recent movie on the horror list, it's --
#1941, or #449, 2023's "Bird Box Barcelona."
Alex Daily!
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Alright, so, this guy, traveling through Barcelona with his daughter. Gets beat up, then runs into a group of strangers who offer to help him, mostly because he says he knows where to find generators.
But when they ask if he's traveling alone, he says yes, and leaves his daughter behind.
Either this is some kind of scam he's running, deliberately infiltrating this group for some reason, or the daughter is a ghost.
Alex Daily!
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the strangers are sleeping in a bus depot -- bus, good place to be relatively safe at night
they're all asleep in this one bus -- and the second it's light out he's fucking stealing it with them inside
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"Look. They're coming. They're beautiful, aren't they?"
at least we get /some/ kind of special effect on their POV shots this time
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Still don't really get how or why the creatures drive you to kill yourself -- some of the deaths are, like, "oh, yes, I see my dead mother, I must go join her in this car that's on fire."
But not all of them translate to something that makes a kind of sense that way.
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"Save them, and we'll be together again. You, me, and mama."
DAUGHTER GONE
IT WAS A SCAM /AND/ THE DAUGHTER'S A GHOST
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for a movie from the perspective of a type of guy who was an antagonist in the first one, we're not really, like
getting in his head?
we're getting his origin story -- he ran into some of those guys seven months ago -- and his motivation -- his dead daughter tells him to send people to heaven by exposing them to the monsters
but there's really not any kind of interiority here
it's about grief but in the most shallow way, there may be nothing below the surface
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"Am I the shepherd? Or am I the wolf?"
congratulations, you've successfully said your theme out loud, like every Netflix original
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"You're awake, and yet you sleep."
the most generic bad guy shit in the world
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Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •For ages people insisted this is Good Actually, and told doubters to get over the creepy CGI, but now all I ever hear about it is how creepy the CGI is. It's --
#1942, or #450, 2019's "Alita: Battle Angel."
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Right, no, okay, I gotta leave the CGI talk behind, talk about anything else at all.
...You sure can tell this is a James Cameron script, it's just Avatar but with a cyborg instead of a Smurf.
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"You're not just a warrior, Alita."
you're a battle ang--
"You're an URM Berserker."
doesn't quite have the same ring to it, workshop that and get back to me
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"I do not stand by in the presence of evil."
every line in the movie is like this. belaboured nonsense performed like they're meant to be failing to make it sound cool. take a second pass on literally everything please.
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"Nova?"
ed norton in a bad wig??
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"You are the most human person I have ever met."
oh so this is for babies, right? this is-- this is for the Spy Kids audience.
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"I'd give you my heart."
laaast christmas
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"Maybe a little Motorball will break out in the middle of this fight!"
finally some good dialogue
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:beecat:
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motorball makes zero sense but I always loved it
Then again I also love the pod race, so 🤷♀️
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:beecat:
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in reply to :beecat: • • •Alex Daily!
in reply to pending handle 🎏 • • •Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •You've heard of the Eastman, the Southman, and the Westman, now get ready for --
#1943, or #451, 2022's "The Northman."
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"Odin brought him home."
was the horse what did that I reckon
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"Why speak you my fortune, witch?"
classic witch shit actually
very normal thing for witches to do
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"I am a fool. It was foretold that I would slay my father's killer in a burning lake. Until that day comes, I will torment the man my life a hell."
if Björk had been a little less specific this could've been a short film
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"These wounds... are not of our world."
i mean, what's more likely, a guy with a big sword did it, or a guy with a big sword came from another planet to do it
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"Tonight, you will be armed to defend the farm, for this is also your home."
what these guys need is somewhere between six and eight, say, samurai
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Eggers captures beautifully the madness that runs through somebody driven by fate, but outside of Skarsgård's layers of rage and a great scene-stealer from Kidman, everything here is just kind of one-dimensionally miserable, nobody's playing to themes or meaning besides "misery"
and that's what he's going for!! the misery is executed very well!!
doesn't mean I gotta like it. extremely well made, but not my thing to sit in for two hours
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"[yelling wildly]"
"[both yelling wildly]"
typical northman behaviour
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •People always like these more than I do, but okay, I watched --
#1944, or #452, 2024 Defunctland documentary "Disney's Animatronics: A Living History."
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Maybe Perjurer's best one yet, in that it devolves into neither self-obsessed navelgazing like the Disney Channel theme one did, or into incomprehensible babbling like the FastPass one did.
It's a good, comprehensive, in-depth overview. Some good jokes in here. ("French is a beautiful language.")
Don't care for the ominous ending.
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in reply to pending handle 🎏 • • •Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Somebody added this to the Blair Witch collection on Letterboxd and I hate having incomplete collections on my stats page, so I watched --
#1945, or #453, 1999 Sci-Fi Channel documentary "Curse of the Blair Witch."
📼 🔗 shoots.video/video/curse-of-th…
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Simultaneously a measurably worse version of the original film AND sorta kinda the ultimate thing that footage was destined to be? But in the end, as a promotional thing for the film, mostly interesting as a novelty.
Also, if you added like two more layers to this, you'd be most of the way to what a "House of Leaves" adaptation looks like in my heart.
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •This seems uninteresting but you'd hate to risk missing seeing one of these in the cinema if it's good, leaving now to go see --
#1946, or #454, 2024's "The Lord of the Rings: The War of the Rohirrim."
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •The POV character isn't just not a hobbit, she isn't just not an outsider, she's an /insider/! Sure, she's a free spirit and not particularly interested in all the inside has to offer, but she is fundamentally not a way into understanding why you care.
That you care about who controls, I wanna say, Gondor is /assumed/.
And it assumes it of me incorrectly.
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Because this, /this/? This is /lore/.
This shit should never have escaped the stack of "Elder Scrolls"-ass worldbuilding textfile books I imagine the "Lord of the Rings" appendices are. "Lord of the Rings" should be considered untouchable, because there just /isn't any more of it/.
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •It's not a bad anime war film? But it /is/: Actively offensive to my sensibilities, as it should be to those of anyone whose heart is right and true.
Fuck this!
Santa Sponge Has Moved🏳️🌈⛄⛄
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Alex Daily!
in reply to Santa Sponge Has Moved🏳️🌈⛄⛄ • • •Peter Jackson and some of the original trilogy's writers etc. being involved was enough to get me in the door on this one, but I gave "Rings of Power" about five minutes before I shut it off, and I think that might be the way.
...I say, knowing full well I'll go see Andy Serkis' Gollum movie. (Knowing the way doesn't mean you have to take it.)
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •I would probably watch that purely because of Andy Serkis.
Of course it's been over 20 years since he was Gollum...
I don't know. I would just like good fantasy stuff that's not just crib from a dead guy's appendices.
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in reply to Santa Sponge Has Moved🏳️🌈⛄⛄ • • •@retrosponge Like I say, the appendices and the Silmarillion, all that stuff, it's just worldbuilding notes, it's /not/ "more Lord of the Rings."
I was gonna say, if this was an original property, I probably would've liked it a lot more, but if this had been an original property, it probably never would've even played here.
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Everyone says this sucks, it's --
#1947, or #455, 2024's "Dear Satan--" I mean, 2024's "Dear Santa."
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"What do you want?!"
"What do you mean, what do you want?!"
beloved actor Jack Black has appeared in your bedroom in a puff of sulfur and you're asking him questions like "what do you want?"
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"Santa came to my room!"
his mom is weirdly chill about learning a grown man was in her son's bedroom
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"Liam! Look who you addressed that to!"
"Santa? So?"
"Look at it again! Take your time!"
"...Satan! Oh my god! ...Well, at least it somehow still got to Santa."
"...Did it??"
it doesn't add up does it
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"Hello Liam. I'm Dr Finkelman."
oh it's Keegan-Michael Key as a therapist Liam's parents have asked to talk to him about the Santa/Satan thing
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"Do you have any idea why Satan would come visit you in your room?"
"Well, I wrote him a letter!"
"Why would you write Satan a letter?"
does this guy just exist so Liam can recap the first 40 minutes of the movie while Keegan-Michael Key eats too many nuts
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"Okay! Have fun at... chemo."
alright this doesn't add up to a /good movie/, but a lot of the individual parts are pretty funny
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"Don't ask how the sausage gets made, okay!"
this movie spends a lot of time actively asking how or why something happens only for Satan to just shut that down
don't ask the question then?
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"Come on, Gibby, just because Satan's come into my life doesn't mean I /worship/ him now."
yeah that would be /unreasonable/
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oh the "have fun at chemo" thing is because Liam's parents didn't believe he actually made a friend at his new school, so he spiralled and told them it was only because he'd been nice to a kid with cancer
bestie Gibby does not have cancer, and, frankly, has enough actual shit of his own going on that he doesn't have the time for any cancer, either
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he's used his second wish to fix Gibby's main actual shit, his grody-looking teeth that he's extremely self-conscious about
I only didn't wonder what the point of the teeth was because I didn't wanna speculate about the relevance of a child's physical appearance to the plot, but I guess they were fake teeth
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"He does /not/ have a brain tumour."
"/Damnit/."
pffft this guy
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"You're actually wondering out loud if there is a Devil?"
"Well if there isn't then who took Spencer from us? Would /God/ take Liam's little brother from him?"
we regret to inform you we've diagnosed you with late stage exposition
it's looking terminal, will almost certainly cause permanent rot of the ending
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Liam has used his third wish to make his parents not get divorced.
Sucker, should-a wished for infinite money.
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"Welcome back to hell, my loyal subject."
oh
Ben Stiller as a bigger, badder Satan
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Bad movie!
And, look, bottom of the barrel expectations helped, but enough of the individual bits good enough that I'm still sat here going, well, that was better than "Red One," if nothing else.
Santa Sponge Has Moved🏳️🌈⛄⛄
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •That's funny. I really enjoyed it and I hate Jack Black 😆
There was one little bit I really liked at the beginning of the movie where the parents are arguing and talking to the kid and the mum says "I think what your dad meant is..." And just the delivery from the dad of the line "No that's not what I meant" was delightfully comical.
I also really liked "Red One" But that was in part due to me loving other countries Christmas based folklore. I just wish the Yule Cat had been in it.
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in reply to Santa Sponge Has Moved🏳️🌈⛄⛄ • • •Santa Sponge Has Moved🏳️🌈⛄⛄
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Yeah I think that's a good summation. Had lots of little funny bits. I really hated the thing with making the teacher shit himself but he was an asshole anyway. I was bullied by more than one teacher like that.
Also I hope you watched during the credits as there was a cute little scene.
We knew something bad had happened but I genuinely didn't see the dead brother thing coming.
Alex Daily!
in reply to Santa Sponge Has Moved🏳️🌈⛄⛄ • • •@retrosponge Oh, oops, I didn't, lemme go and fix that.
The crossing guard is also very good. The way she just loses control of the situation in the face of one kid who thinks he's lost his soul.
Santa Sponge Has Moved🏳️🌈⛄⛄
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •It's very funny. I remember the crossing guard outside my school in the UK. They're called lollipop ladies because they have a big metal pole with a big circular stop sign on it. She got hit by more than one car and on one occasion when a car tried to go through when she was in the middle of the road she swung it and took out their rear window 😆
Jean was awesome😆
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in reply to Santa Sponge Has Moved🏳️🌈⛄⛄ • • •Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Don't know what this one's about, it's --
#1948, or #456, 2006 New Zealand film "Black Sheep."
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15 years later, the younger brother is scared shitless of sheep because his older brother scared the shit out of him pretending to be a horror sheep.
Presumably this is setup for real horror sheep?
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The younger brother, Henry, is only back in town to sell his shares of the farm to the older brother, Angus, so he'll never have to come near sheep ever again, so naturally everyone keeps dragging him all over the farm.
At the same time, two environmental activists are uncovering horrific illegal genetic sheep experiments on that very same farm.
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"Who'd engineer /that/!"
"Your /brother/!"
well yes he /is/ a dickhead
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"I'll get a tetanus shot at the vet!"
my dude your foot's a hoof
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"That's the thing about farms, Henry. Accidents happen."
do farm accidents typically involve people sliding down holes full of sheep guts
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"...Grant?"
I would simply not be a sheep-Hulk.
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"...Perhaps it won't be that bad."
yeah it's just the sheep apocalypse
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Honestly, great weirdo zombie classic. Really solid stuff.
(Do wish this didn't do the very 2006 thing of constantly picking on the environmentalist.)
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •It's Christmas, so what better time than right now to feel compelled by a vague and nebulously-defined sense of cultural obligation to do something I think will probably be a bad time, leaving now to go see --
#1949, or #457, 2024's "Mufasa: The Lion King."
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Since Disney didn't fucking bother making 2024's "Mufasa" a new movie, either, my review is entirely compiled of bits from my previous reviews of modern Disney remakes.
or on my blog: blog.alexdaily.nl/movie-review…
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •I've got a cup of tea and have put on Guillermo del Toro's feature debut, it's --
#1950, or #458, 1992's "Cronos."
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"Excuse me, can I help you?"
nah don't mind him just setting up an inciting incident in the corner
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"What did you find?"
oh hey it's Ron Perlman
and I guess he's always been an absolute babe
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Ron Perlman's uncle collects... those exact statues the incident-inciter was fondling, that the old man and the kid found a gold thing inside?
Oh, I see, it's like the Mickey Mouse story with the, what's it, with the vinyl records.
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to finish the job, I guess
there's a bug inside what eats the blood
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"You look... different, a lot younger."
ah vampire shit
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"Happy new year."
ah I'm early
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"That fucker does nothing but shit and piss all day and he wants to live longer?"
just loves 2 shit and piss
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"Peel it off!!"
I feel like looking like the Cryptkeeper will get in the way of dealing in antiques.
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"Fuck! Not my nose again!"
The Perlman character's thing about the nose is a good runner, a solid blender.
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Solid little horror-flavoured drama, really.
Some people just have it right from the off. And, look, flawed film, takes a real nap at the start of the third act to spend a weird amount of time with Tito the Coroner, but clearly this young whippersnapper Guillermo del Toro and his pal Ronnie Perlman, who has always been a babe? They have it.
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Looked at my various lists and went, what am I in the mood for, and it turns out to be this, it's --
#1951, or #459, 2021's "Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City."
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •"I /saw/ her."
"You didn't see anything."
normativity gets you killed
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Umbrella logos on the wall at this... orphanage? Hospital?
Wonder where they keep their laser slicer corridor.
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"Redfield, isn't it? Chris and Claire Redfield?"
leo pointing dot jpeg
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"A couple days ago they had a little incident..."
is that good
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"Raccoon Police Department"?
ACAB includes trash pandas with wee badges
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"What the fuck is this."
dawg you're older than me you know what a palm pilot is
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"We need more ammo and guns."
classic video game situation
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"So how do you know so much about guns?"
"My parents died when I was eight."
oh okay
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"Hey, have you ever heard of the T-virus, and the G-virus?"
is that when you try to do some exposition right before you get eaten by a zombie
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"What the fuck you guys do to this train?"
"Shit."
you shat the train?
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Look, I'm not super familiar with the source material, but this is, if nothing else, a lot more straightforward and sensible a picture than the pretty gonzo Anderson/Jovovich franchise, and in that way -- though I grew fond of those weird fuckin' movies by the end -- just straight up better.
Does that make it a Good Movie? Ehh, nah. But it's a pretty watchable 100 minutes of "Resident Evil" nonsense.
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •I've hated all of these except "Army of Darkness," a mode they surely could've just continued in, anyway, it's --
#1952, or #460, 2023's "Evil Dead Rise."
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so this building used to be a bank, but is now both an apartment building and condemned, and is set to be knocked down in about a month
a month? I would at least be packing a little by now.
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"What is it?"
"There's a hole."
can respect the urge to investigate, but this is so obviously cursed, and also, Danny, put on something with longer sleeves first, it's a lot of exposed iron and sharp concrete down there
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dude's brought it home
dawg
bro
why
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"Weird shit like this gets locked away for a reason."
she gets it
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a lot of why I don't like Evil Dead is so much of it is extreme violence, often sexual, against young women, and that just doesn't feel like a thing we gotta do any more
this is pretty much just as gory and nasty, it just aims it differently -- the person infected is a nice mom with three kids and a sister, nice neighbours, and everyone, even the kids, are fully fair game
that feels like the 2023 equivalent of what the original was doing
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •What if instead of Canadian "Cube" was Japanese, it's --
#1953, or #461, 2021's "Cube." (Jube.)
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"You're probably wondering where you are, right?"
well I know it's not the /Sphere/
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"I think we might be able to avoid the trapped rooms."
that all of this depends on having access to an autistic math prodigy is still just silly
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"Let's just... keep heading for the edge."
yeah this is overly long already
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"27 is just empty space."
the only unoccupied square centimetre of urban japan
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What!
She's watching them on her ROBOT EYES?!
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •It's the final international remake on the Horror List, the French remake of "One Cut of the Dead," it's --
#1954, or #462, 2022's "Final Cut."
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why are all these white French people still called like Hosoda and Matsumi and Yamakoshi
are they remaking "True Fear."
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It's like solving basically the same crossword twice, but somebody thinks they've added a novel new theme to it, except it just makes it more confusing.
Also, you can really feel that this is a €4 million production by somebody who doesn't usually make gonzo little indie zombie flicks, instead of the actual $25k "fuck it we'll do it live"r this pretends to be.
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"There's some very Japanese stuff in [this script]."
"Remi, that's racist."
oh I guess that's how we end up with him being called Higurashi
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now he's watching the original
wish I was watching the original
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it can't both be an in-universe remake and have the exact same disasters happen before and during filming, surely
whole thing falls absolutely apart
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the director of this thing, one, won an Oscar for "The Artist" over a decade ago, and two, again, made this on 160 times the budget of the original,
so the stuff about cheap art mattering falls completely flat emotionally
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#1955, or #463, 2022's "Pearl."
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •> you, the asexual, didn't connect to X, the slasher about people making a porno? shocker.
it's not the porno of it all, it's that it felt like an attempt to do an "elevated" slasher by somebody who didn't give a shit about slashers. it felt like West was going "I'll show 'em how to make a real one, pish posh, piece of piss." no love there, no respect.
Alex Daily!
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •> so why watch two more of these
because people keep fucking talking them up is why
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the vibe here is it's trying to do 1920s-to-40s melodrama by way of psychological horror
but is Ti West actually capable of doing anything with that or is this just gonna be the Mia Goth show
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a thing you don't realise about movie theatres before, really, the 60s, is they just had everything playing on loop and you'd just walk in whenever
if I recall correctly, it's Hitchcock who demanded theatres close the door after "Psycho" started who started the trend towards the current style
I say current, then came TV, which was walk in whenever again, and then came streaming, which is it starts when you come in
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Alex Daily!
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this one, for the record, isn't about making a porno -- instead Pearl, who was the grandma in X, but is here a young woman, just dreams of fame, mostly as a direction to aim her wish to get off this farm in
it's also far more a melodrama than a slasher, though I'm sure murders will occur
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"Isolate yourself until we know you are not ill."
the mom is kind of a dickhead but she's not wrong, go sit in the shed
Alex Daily!
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"Hard to know who anyone is, with these masks everyone is wearing."
shoot him immediately
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"Thank you, but it's gonna be a no."
same
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Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Three movies left on the Horror List, and if I'm gonna get through all of 'em this year I should really tick this one off today, unfortunately, it's --
#1956, or #464, 2024's "MaXXXine."
Alex Daily!
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"I will not accept a life I don't deserve."
yeah yeah we get it
it's a good mantra, but it's not "support a trilogy of movies that plod for an hour before coming to a plodding climax" good
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The problem with all of them is that they rely way too much on the Mia Goth performance -- she /is/ really good -- and the period aesthetics -- strong but... punctureable -- and don't actually fucking do anything with them.
These movies, they don't got fuckin' jack shit to say, there's no depth to them. It's a few good performances in a world of shallow references it knows you're gonna understand.
It's elevated horror but for redditors who watch too much porn.
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"Drop it... Buster."
she says, pointing a gun at a guy dressed loosely like Buster Keaton waving a gun at her
dumb joke, but I liked it better than anything in the other two
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I think if a man aims a knife at you -- clearly intending to at least mug you, potentially kill you -- destroying his ballsack is kind of completely fair.
(Maybe this one isn't paced like a worldbuilding shitposter's wet dream?)
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"I want to show that beneath the 1950s sheen things were just as rotten as they are today. A B-movie with A-ideas."
ti west shut the fuck up with this shit, you can't actually pull it the fuck off
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the picture is clearly trying to suggest the murders are being copycatted from the Puritan II script, and that it might be her doing them (without realising?)
but that's so clearly not what's going on
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Threads that haven't gone anywhere:
* Night Stalker
* Anti-Satanic protests re: "Puritan II"
* Her dad was in the opening scene
So her dad is the Night Stalker and he's trying to clean up Hollywood because it's become Satanic, got it. And we're gonna be told this is a twist, certainly.
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Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Time to catch up with my good friends Blue Mario, Orange Sonic, Red Sonic, and Black Blue Mario, and their friend Cyclops Xman, leaving now to go see --
#1957, or #465, 2024's "Sonic the Hedgehog 3."
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •A perfectly fine one of these, though it does feel like Carrey signed on for this one so late in production that I can easily picture a draft with just Stone in it.
(This filmed in the past year and a half, how the shitting fuck do you have Harry Potter joke in there? Sonic confirmed for too offline.)
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •The last of these Dropout Presents specials, I watched --
#1958, or #466, 2024's "Dropout Presents: The Big Team."
I still feel like these improv ones should've just been episodes of a Dropout improv series, but this one specifically has been so aggressively cut to shreds that I think the editor might dislike improv more than I do.
#ReleaseTheBigTeamCut, I guess.
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •I've been watching through my horror list for two years and two months and change and today I finish it, though this is only the penultimate film on the list, it's --
#1959, or #467, 2019's "The Grudge."
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making the incident inciter, the one who goes into the house to check on somebody at the start of one of these, a /cop/ is,,
such an American instinct, but also changes the power dynamic in a way this movie definitely doesn't understand
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"There's a case I found in Japan. At least a dozen unrelated people killed in the same house in Tokyo. And I spoke to the detective over there, this Nakagawa. He thinks a murder in that house caused something like a Ju-On."
I know he's right and even I'm going, alright Pepe Silvia, calm down
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Every character in this is too old, there's barely any kids, where are the teens? And all of these 40+ characters, they're all either way too self-aware, way too aware of their feelings, or functional vegetables.
Ju-On should be /happening/ to you, there shouldn't be this much space for real investigation. (Not that they're getting much done.)
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the problem is
this is trying to get a Conj or an Insid out of a Grudge
and those are really big, broad stories compared to Ju-On's much smaller, more realistically sad miseries about the trauma of the incomprehensibly horrific, so it just doesn't work
Alex Daily!
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Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Time to wrap up the Horror List, it's --
#1960, or #468, 2023's "Insidious: The Red Door."
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •What I've been calling The Horror List is really round three of my project to get into horror, which started not that long after I started counting, because I felt I was leaving a huge chunk of popular entertainment on the table without really having investigated it meaningfully.
I think if there was a point where that project was complete, it was probably last year when I went to see "Saw X" in the cinema.
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •But I still had my list, and now, an hour and a half from now, that's done, too. I'm proper into horror now. Love horror.
Turns out horror is just comedy that goes "boo" instead of telling you a punchline -- a good scare is still always setup, tension, relief.
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A thing I would find more frustrating about these if this wasn't only the third Patty Wilson one -- "Chapter 3" and "The Last Key" were prequels about the Lin Shaye character before she died in the first one -- is how much they rely on people just having their memories erased?
It feels dumb for Patty and Son of Patty to be in their own respective Chapters 1 while we're in Movie 5.
Alex Daily!
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"No wonder Mom divorced you."
oh it's one of those, is it
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"I worked my ass off on this piece!"
"No one will miss it."
it's pretty generic stuff, man
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"Any fool can learn technique. Even master it. It doesn't matter if it doesn't come from the inside."
finally a good art teacher in a movie
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"There's someone with you."
top ten worst things to be told over your headphones when the MRI machine's lights suddenly turn off, frankly
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"You want me to play kids' games?"
"We can learn a lot from kids."
Patty Wilson goes to Squid Game Smash Bros. invite accept screen.
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Patty Wilson picked up a flier for a fraternity on Son of Patty's first day at college, and now Son of Patty's roommate has dragged him to a peak cliché American frat party.
This'll just be a way to have him freak his bean somewhere public, I guess.
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Son of Patty has been freaking out at the ways his art teacher has been trying to get something personal out of his art
if this is how my body reacted to making art I would maybe switch to an accounting class
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"Do you live here?"
"I hope so. ...That's a weird answer."
pfft, patty
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Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Doesn't mean Wanda House of M "no more horror," just means, woof, time to adjust the ratios on what I watch.
Time to watch a little more meat and veg and a little less candy for a while.
Pronouns in BIOS
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Alex Daily!
in reply to Pronouns in BIOS • • •Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •I think this is about a dude who insists he met somebody the year before, which she does not appear to recall? It's --
#1961, or #469, 1961's "L'Année dernière à Marienbad," or, "Last Year at Marienbad."
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SnerkRabbledauber likes this.
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"I doubt it was me. You must be mistaken."
He claims to have met her at Marienbad last year. His memories of it are very specific, very detailed. She says that she does not remember any of this.
The picture asks you to wonder why. Does she genuinely not remember? Is she playing a game? Is there a reason why she might lie, or perhaps actively choose to live a life where it didn't happen?
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The game, the narration, his insistence that they've met. Repetition, repetition, repetition. Did they meet? Or did they meet... over and over again?
Are they people, or are they stand-ins for them? Is this an interaction that happens to them, or that happens to so many people over and over? A created version of reality, where what you want to have happened did, where everything went great.
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Another game, the same men. Poker. Another humiliation.
The second man takes it all away from the man who remembers.
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"If it's not true, why would you be here?"
A lot of people are here.
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in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •It's 22:38:42 on December 31st, so woo, as they say, eeoo, once again, it's --
#1962, or #470, the 1996 "Doctor Who" TV movie.
#doctorwho
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •"It's on the planet Skaro that my old enemy the Master was finally put on trial."
Skaro, famous for its intergalactic court of justice.
Alex Daily!
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Dr Who's scanner has a display for what year it is in "Common Era" and "Rassilon Era."
Dr Who suddenly strikes me as a Year of Luigi guy.
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"Stop it! Stop... it!!"
Dr Who updates the pronouns he uses for the Master when it's in snake form.
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"What's the date?"
"December 30th."
"Nineteen ninety-nine."
Lee, how do you not know the date the day before New Year's.
Alex Daily!
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"Two hearts...?"
"One bullet went straight into his shoulder."
how can you think this is a double exposure when surely there's still only one bullet in his shoulder
starting to think Walker General is maybe not San Francouver's finest medical establishment
Alex Daily!
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Grace gets a call while at the opera. Brian looks like he's genuinely fucking fuming.
Fucking Brian, piece of shit.
Ásthar con té 🍵⛤ (Elle/They)
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Alex Daily!
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Ásthar con té 🍵⛤ (Elle/They)
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"Not unless this man's a donkey."
"Then I /am/ lost."
Time Lords confirmed for being asses.
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"This is no double exposure!"
you can tell from looking at it, yeah
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"Who you going as?"
"Wild Bill Hickok."
"Oh, cool. Who's that?"
Some cowboy man who dresses exactly like Dr Who.
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"It's alive!!"
they've recast Dr Who
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"Oh my GOD! ... God, NO!!"
pete
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"WHO! AM! I!"
correct
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rip Mrs Bruce
your entire raison d'etre was to show us the Master is a murderous bastard o7
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"Hey, Pete? Stop by Psychiatric and pick up some more mind altering drugs."
"Okay, sure."
Pete honestly seems like he'd love to.
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"But what was he! How can we learn from him!"
Attend his class at St Luke's in Bristol?
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"You're a doctor!"
"Well, my oath just expired!"
What worth has an oath if you need to be on payroll somewhere for it to matter to you.
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"The Asian child."
"The /Asian child/? Bruce, you're sick."
Curtis the receptionist reads this line wrong. She reads it like "oh, Bruce, you naughty lad" when she should sound like she thinks he's probably seriously ill.
He's peeling his fingernails off this same scene!
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"He's taken all of his stuff!!"
brian
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"He's taken the sofa!"
where do you even take a sofa on this short notice
did Brian move in but maintain his own place the whole time
the bastard
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"The dead stay dead, you can't turn back time."
alright let's both have a go and see which one of you is right
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"He is NOT dead. He has stolen MY body."
wild gambit to pull when by the time it actually comes to a confrontation you look a third of the way to Vincent D'Onofrio in Men in Black
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"A meteor storm! The sky above us was dancing with light!"
❤ ❤
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"Gold dust?"
a little something to spend on a long dark night at the Blackjack Saloon up in the Klondike during the fucking gold rush
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"If the TARDIS really likes you, the Eye will open."
Bad secops on this thing, frankly.
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"I know who I am!"
Wild Bill Hickok in the living flesh, you say.
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"You see that? That's the retinal structure of the human eye! The Doctor is half human! No wonder!"
what's bad about this isn't the idea itself but that the reveal is underwritten, not set up at all, and really adds nothing of substance
the idea itself is fine
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"The planet's about to be destroyed, and I'm stuck in a traffic jam!"
trailer line
also, some respect here, that chicken truck driver is clearly having at least as bad a night as anyone here
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"We're a team, right?"
"Yes, we're a... team."
nobody in this has sarcasm radar (sardar)
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"I finally meet the right guy and he's from another planet!"
Grace out here actively writing the romance novel of her own life.
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"Answer the /second/ question, don't forget."
Good ol' Gareth.
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"The Master?"
"You're lucky he only got your wrist."
You don't know, Slimer could be in town.
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"Oh god, Brian's going to move in again!"
girl ya gotta end it with that sorry excuse for a man
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"Are you any good at setting alarm clocks?"
"No!"
one of those real 90s cultural things't never made sense to me
how could you be bad at setting a clock
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"It's no good talking to her, she's /possessed/."
lee how do you still think the Master is the good guy here
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"This won't hurt... much."
real good guy shit to say
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FUCK
I NEVER NOTICED
Ted's replacement costume, because Dr Who stole his Wild Bill Hickok suit
is a sheet and corpse makeup
to explicitly make fun of Pete's encounter earlier
GOOD JOKE
#doctorwho
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"I thought surgery was difficult!"
fully she doesn't look like she's doing anything at all
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"3... 2... 1..."
love the little pop Professor Wagg does
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"Your lifeforce is dying, Master!"
surely you could just say he's dying
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"You want dominion over the living! But all you do is kill!"
great hokey line
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"Give me your hand!"
"Never!"
but he'll always offer and that's why he's him and you're not
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"Doctor. I have your things."
Chang Lee honestly seems like a good egg, when he gets the chance.
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"I know who I am, and that's enough."
aw, grace. :)
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"Right. Where to next?"
go check out a zeppelin somewhere, might have a cool friend on it
Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Look, the 1996 "Doctor Who" TV movie, it's flawed. It's hokey and goofy, and rarely earns its big beats. Much of it doesn't /really/ work.
And still I love it so much.
🇹 Ti
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Ásthar con té 🍵⛤ (Elle/They)
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •🇹 Ti
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •Alex Daily!
in reply to Alex Daily! • • •This concludes the 2024 #MovieThread.
In conclusion: Movies!
Next thread:
beepboop.one/@Alexis/113754217…
Alex Daily!
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Unknown parent • • •@mat The key might be to know that in the Robbie Williams biopic, Robbie Williams is fully and completely played by a CGI monkey man.
Alex Daily! reshared this.
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@naga "Palace Follies" also has synchronised sound, in 1918! (I've seen it suggested it's because she's imagining the sound, but the picture's reality just doesn't break that way anywhere else.)
The only real reason to so firmly set it in 1918 is to set it at the start of the Spanish flu pandemic, but, I dunno, just don't show me a big 1918 title card, if you're gonna not-care this much.