Finding distractions
It’s no secret that I’ve been struggling the last 4½ months. Physically, mentally, emotionally… I’ve been through the worst and I’m trying to come back to a good routine, where I can focus on being healthy and strong. And I don’t mean “strong” as in no longer crying over the loss of Arwen, even though I would not mind tearing up so easily when I remember her… I mean strong as in having my body and my mind back on working together again.
Getting my muscles back on track. Getting my weight under control again. Finding peace with myself, where I now still struggle with feelings of guilt and remorse. But I needed to find myself something to do, to distract myself, to force myself to take a break and just relax… But I struggled to relax, even the things that I enjoyed before were not helping me to get my mind at ease. So… After the second surgery, after I had many sleepless nights where I felt sad and lonely, I decided that I should try something that I loved before, but that became “spoilt” by the hex…
I had ordered a puzzle before my surgeries. But I just wanted to have it, just because I was afraid that it would be one that would maybe not be available later on… After the second surgery, I ordered a mat and a second puzzle. Mum chose the one we started with, and together we made a beginning. It was hard for me to sit on the chair for long, and I was still so tired that I had trouble focusing.
Then mum went home and I tried to get into a new routine. One where it was just me… One where I was alone and sometimes lonely, where I felt sorry for myself, where I just kept wishing for Arwen to come back to me… 😢
I got Covid-19 while I was trying to recover. So my recovery took even longer. I noticed that my favorite things felt empty. I could watch a series I love and enjoy and now… I’d feel bored. I became more distracted. Focusing was hard and my motivation was so hard to find.
So I started to think of something that could help me… And then, I just cleaned out the table again, rolled out the mat, and I got back to my puzzle.
I’ve been spending several hours on it, sometimes losing track of time. Every time a piece fits, it feels good. Looking at the progress I made after every time I’ve sat down with it… It feels satisfying. It’s hard to explain, but even with my AHDH wanting to go fast and finish it every time I sit down again, I feel at peace… Calm, relaxed, concentrated even… 😊
But at times, I also feel some pressure. I should go faster, do it better, try a bit harder… And it’s so silly to be dealing with thoughts like that, because doing a puzzle isn’t a race. It shouldn’t be too stressful, too demanding… And I know they’re just the voices of my past pestering me. But it can be hard to not feel pressured in some way, when those thoughts resurface again. Still, so far, it’s brought me more fun and distraction than stress.
I wish I had taken a snap of the puzzle when I started it again in my own. Because mum and I had worked in it for a little while already. Mum had been working on the border while I had tried to focus on the little “movie strip” in the top. I’ve taken several snaps since, to keep track of my progress since then. Every time I sit down, I manage to get some more bits done. And that just feels good. I have another puzzle bought already, to try and make after this one. But I wonder if I will be able to het that one done. It’s bigger, a 1500 pieces set instead of Dumbo’s 1000. And I fear the colors may be way more challenging! But I’ll have to finish Dumbo first…
Every time I sit down, I just hope that I’ll finish some more bits, get closer to completing it. It would have been cool if I would have been able to show you the “finished product” by the time this post went live. And I tried my best last Sunday, and I think I did rather well, but unfortunately, there is still the water that needs to be done. And I feel this will prove to be the most challenging part…
I have a few busy days, so I don’t know when I’ll be able to sit down again… But I do hope that I can finish it soon. I’ll need to find a nice poster frame that can fit the puzzle. And I need to find a way to keep the puzzle together so I can get it in the frame, once I have it… I’ve never framed a puzzle, so it will be a new experience for me. But I am glad that the distraction it’s been giving me has been so positive. 😊 And, to be honest, I am even feeling eager to starting a new puzzle as well. I have one ready to do, but I also have been browsing the web a bit for others that intrigue me.
This is a puzzle that I would enjoy making… It’s a smaller one, but I love the artwork and I’ve always loved some nice glow in the dark things… But money is tight at the moment, so it’s saved in my wishlist for now… And I still need to finish Dumbo and I have the northern lights one that will probably last me some time as well… I am glad that I found my enjoyment for puzzles again. As I feared it may had been ruined by the hex… 😔 So… Let’s try to finish Dumbo! 😁
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