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I don't see a lot of the bad stuff, not because I skip over it, but because I have blocked with abandon.

I'm not saying this to tell others to block like me (I did it to excess actually), but to explain to those who do not see the bad posts that there might be a reason they don't see them. Not everyone here has the same experience. Also, different instances might block whole other instances.

So, when someone says they are being harassed, believe them the first time they say it.

Just to be explicit, that post was about how all the institutionalized/everyday/inherent sexism, racism, homophobia, bigotry, etc. is invisible to most folx until it directly impacts them.

Just like I don't see 99% of the racism that #BlackMastodon does until someone points an example out to me, and just like I would've told you that I don't know anyone who drives a red Ford Focus until I started driving one myself.

It's fucking everywhere...

And to those it affects, it's just the background noise of existing while black/queer/femme/disabled/neurodivergent, and so on.

A coworker punched me lightly on the arm. When I snapped at them, they got all offended. It was just a little punch, it couldn't have hurt. Now I was the bad guy, complaining about something so inconsequential. Problem was, every else in the office had done the same earlier and my arm was already sore. So now I had a sore arm and was the office asshole.

This is a story about microaggression.

Off topic, but I have a friend who is lactose intolerant.

She grew up on a dairy farm.

Fate is a cruel bastard.

i think part of the issue is the weird privacy settings - i can reply to a public post with a DM or "followers only" post that's visible to *my* followers not those of the person I'm replying to. Presumably if I'm a serial harasser, I'm not going to have a lot of normal decent people among my followers.

And from my victim's POV they made a public post and got threats or abuse in reply and nobody is standing up for them.

Okay, when I started reading this, I wanted to reply with the ADHD-joke about Ford Focus...

But then your toot took a dark turn and I don't feel it's appropriate anymore. And yes, I can relate, you start spotting patterns when they start to affect you.

yup. I’m an immigrant in Germany, but an affluent, white, CIS, male and a native English speaker. I’ve never been subject to xenophobia. Hell, I’ve even been actively courted by AfD canvassers.

It would be easy for me to believe this evil doesn’t exist in Germany, but I speak to colleagues who hail from Africa or Asia. Their life looks quite different to mine. The same for women, trans folks, people with facial tattoos, …

Privilege is often invisible when you have it.

Yeah, my kids are POC. When I tell some of my fellow humans about the racial struggles my minions have had in a predominantly white neighbourhood.

They honestly thought, they were better than it. Highlighting it in their own backyard has created some enemies and some who wanted significant change.

Keep at it. Keep pushing, keep killing it.

I acknowledge that you, and others, have a different experience to a middle aged, white, 6 foot plus cis male :(

I wrote the code that tested the seat rails in the original Focus in my first software job. They are still everywhere like the arseholes making life difficult for people they see as different

By acknowledging we all have different experiences and listening when people share theirs we can make the world a little bit friendlier for all.

You just did that :)

There's a thought experiment (used in treatment of anxiety disorders, but that doesn't matter here): The therapist asks people to look for red stuff in the room. Like, which things here are red? Try to remember them all. Yes, all. Close your eyes. Now, which yellow things are in the room?

It's powerful in showing people how strongly our attention impacts what we notice and what we don't notice.

> A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.

> Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".

It's in DMs, how do they expect to see it?

damn this post took a turn, I was ready with the "hocus pocus there's pizza on yer Focus" but now I'm just outraged instead

Edit for those who would still like a little laugh after this very important post - yewtu.be/watch?v=L1WAOByxzYA

I fear this might be part of how people think in at least some places, (but someone do correct me if I'm wrong or overgeneralizing(*)) just assuming that the way they perceive the world themselves is how everybody perceives it.

For a completely unrelated example: somebody assuming everyone has smartphones, and with a mobile data connection.

(Also, how people assume "but everybody is on ${ALGORITHMIC_SOCIAL_MEDIA_I_USE}!"... or how people who would actually like and use it aren't aware of Mastodon's existence.)

(*) Your stories *are* connected, and this comparison is probably something that needs to be highlighted more often. So even if this way of thinking is not excessively common, it's of value to try to make people aware of this, so that good people who were not aware of it can ask themselves whether they are seeing a big enough picture.

P.S.: (Focusen?)