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‘There were no warning signs’: what happens when your partner falls into the ‘manosphere’?


With surveys reporting that an increasing number of young men are subscribing to these beliefs, the number of women finding that their partners share the misogynistic views espoused by the likes of Andrew Tate is also on the rise. Research from anti-fascism organisation Hope Not Hate, which polled about 2,000 people across the UK aged 16 to 24, discovered that 41% of young men support Tate versus just 12% of young women.

“Numbers are growing, with wives worried about their husbands and partners becoming radicalised,” says Nigel Bromage, a reformed neo-Nazi who is now the director of Exit Hate Trust, a charity that helps people who want to leave the far right.

“Wives or partners become really worried about the impact on their family, especially those with young children, as they fear they will be influenced by extremism and racism.”

in reply to osaerisxero

Yeah, they just didn’t pay attention to their partner. Which, not making excuses, is a good part of how they slip there.
in reply to osaerisxero

Sometimes it's easier to stay with the devil you know than chance the devil you don't.
in reply to HellsBelle

You don't need to stay with a devil at all.

Some women are apparently terrified of being single. I've known some who have never been single for more than a few days since they turned 15 or something. I know it can sometimes be more complicated than that, but it's a contributing factor.

in reply to merc

I would argue that being single equates to being alone ... and women who are alone are vulnerable as hell.

So (at least sometimes) the devil you know is safer than the devil you don't.

in reply to HellsBelle

I'd argue that women who are in abusive relationships or relationships with potential manosphere abusers are less safe than if they were single.
in reply to HellsBelle

I know one woman who, from her 60s to her 80s, lived in a building that she co-owned with two good friends. Each one had her own full apartment. But, they were able to support each-other. I also know plenty of younger women who have roommates.

I don't think being single necessarily means being alone. Although, it's true that modern western society makes the coupling up option much more low-friction than other ones.

in reply to osaerisxero

Yeah I don't really understand this claim.

My partner and I disagree on a lot of things, but I can predict with near certainty where she stands on things because she my partner, we have shared a life together, and I know her.

in reply to HellsBelle

"Do you regularly watch videos by Jordan Peterson?" kinda needs to become one of those before-first-date screening questions.
in reply to Ledericas

Does UFC count as watching Joe Rogan videos even if his commentary annoys the shit out of you and you wish he had no part in it? Because he already pisses me off this would be the last straw.
This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to Necroscope0

I groan every time they announce he's on the commentary team. It's clear he doesn't actively watch the sport anymore, and he simply can't avoid hyperbole.
in reply to triptrapper

Seriously, I have learned to ignore him so well that last time he was not on the team it took me half the fight to realize "Where is that annoying fucking Rogan has he really not said shit this whole fii... oooohhh sweet. lol
in reply to Ledericas

Weirdly, I know of more women who listen to joe rogan than men (okay, the numbers are 2 to 0, so not that mindblowing). I don't fucking get it.

It was the same thing with friends who liked Elon Musk before he went fully mask off after buying Twitter. Who he was, and the function he provided, was so completely obvious to anyone who was paying attention. I don't get how anyone could miss it.

in reply to grrgyle

People missed it because they chose to "not pay attention to politics", leading to right wing indoctrination.

Turns out everything is political.

This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to Rimu

You needs to screen your partners SoMe algorithm
This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to Rimu

Very direct. They could lie about it. Better to ask conceptually I think.
in reply to BillyTheKid

Ask about Lex Fridman: at least for tech geeks it is the antichamber to Joe Rogan and the pandemonium thereafter.
in reply to BillyTheKid

I believe him to be of Russian descent, and playing hard on the American stereotype of that.

He has had a troubled academic career due to a faulty paper trying to prove Tesla's Autopilot to make people more attentive.

He has a long standing podcast in which he interviews mostly techbros and politicians such as Musk, Carmack, Trump, Modi and the like for hours at a time.
He never really challenges them and lets them speak on whatever they bring up, turning his podcasts into hours-long PR stunts.

Probably a Russian asset, given that in to his conversation with Zelensky he reiterated Trump/Vance talking points.

I have noticed that people who later reveal themselves to be into Joe Rogan and the like first test the waters by asking you if you listened to the latest Fridman podcast. I work in a tech consultancy so I have quite a sample, but it could also be a bubble.

Andrew Rousso made a spot on imitation of the guy here, as usual. It's worth listening to a Lex Fridman podcast intro just to enjoy Rousso's imitation.

in reply to BeardedGingerWonder

I'd also like to know. Carmack, unlike most tech bros, is actually intelligent. I wouldn't have taken him to be a Nazi, especially since one of the games that made him rich was about killing Nazis.
This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to Refurbished Refurbisher

I don't think he is a Nazi, but if you think that is what would save you from being a Nazi, you haven't been following the last 80 years of developments in Palestine.
Unknown parent

I’m not sure ML is the right place for you hehe
in reply to HellsBelle

12% of young women support Tate? That's way higher than what I expected :( I can't understand why would any woman support someone who makes a fortune out of exploiting and abusing women openly
This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to Mothra

Tradwife content is on the rise for women as well, more and more young people are buying into this mythical simpler past as the world gets more complex, alienating and difficult.
in reply to Not_mikey

I can understand that but how come being a webcam girl and endure physical and psychological abuse fit in the "tradwife" narrative? It's particularly support for Tate what I can't understand
in reply to Mothra

I think this is ambigous. When people are asked "do you support the views of Andrew Tate?" How many actually know these in particular? What if individual views are asked and then if more than 50% are answered with "support" it is considered to support his views overall?

I've read enough news to know that Tate is a terrible person and probably a serious criminal. But i would not be able to describe his views, nor do i want to find out what his views are exactly.

in reply to Saleh

All I know about Tate's views are that he's a male supremacist of some sort.
in reply to ijedi1234

And rapist, human trafficker, scammer, etc etc etc.

Scumbucket for short.

in reply to Saleh

Fair enough, so there is a possibility that this article (or the surveys it's based on) are being somewhat misleading. I hope you are right
in reply to HellsBelle

in reply to Saleh

The raw numbers maybe obscure this but aren't the popularity levels are really about how far along the radicalisation they are?

People start watching for the lifestyle and fitness then end up believing the other stuff and watching for that.
I guess women stall out more because who could believe that kind of stuff about themselves?

in reply to Saleh

This is it. People like Trump, Tate, Musk, and West all know how saying provocative yet ambiguous statements causes people to talk about them.

It's really an art at this point, and I'm wondering if they've been working on making it a science.

This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to Not_mikey

mythical simple past but they wouldn't put down the fucking phone. anything but the phone!!

(regardless of gender)

in reply to sparky@lemmy.federate.cc

It is a shortening of "Traditional wife" as in a wife who complies with the old male/female value system. IE the man works and provides for and protects the family while the woman stays at home, cooks, cleans the house, watches the kids, does not talk back to her man because he is the head of the family and runs shit. Her job basically is to make life easier for him and raise his kids.
in reply to Not_mikey

I'm reminded of the inspiration behind the Rust programming language.

"Rust is very much a language inspired from the past to save the future from itself."

Sorry, rampant consumerism has been detrimental to our species as a whole. Now no matter how much we have, it's never enough.

I'm glad people are fighting back against this 'new normal' that really only exists to funnel as much money as possible to the people at the top.

Also, if you leave Western nations you'll see that this "mythical simpler past" is still alive and well. The rest of the world is looking at the West like we're crazy, and most of us are. It's called hysteria.

This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to Mothra

Almost every survey will get 6-10% of people answering yes to the most extreme or batshit crazy option, no matter what.

Probably the main reason is that people are pissed off that they are being approached by survey takers and punish the survey for revenge.

And there are some batshit crazy people out there.

in reply to Mothra

These would be the "pick me's" whether they realize it or not

Women who are raised by misogynists but can't see past it. Women who have insecurities and can't see past it.
They are latching on to the same order for security cuz it's all they know.
Just a guess

in reply to Mothra

You must be new to the world, then.

Getting everyone to agree on anything is nigh-impossible.

in reply to Mothra

I once sat next to a couple on the plane and the young woman was showing her bf a video of Tate talking about how men should be stoic and never complain because no one wants to hear that pussy bullshit. She was saying things to him like “You know how you freak out and bitch at me? You should be like him.”

So yeah… there are women out there who like him. They like hardcore traditional gender roles, is probably the base of it, and want a man doing cliche man shit like Tate preaches. Some women are dealt a great hand by traditional standards: big tits, blond hair, nice face, and they would rather settle into being provided for than fuss with all that feminism stuff. It’s idiotic but people believe whatever’s in their interests. And surprise surprise, these women don’t want men to have emotional needs.

This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to scarabic

Please tell me that was before it was well known that he was a criminal
Unknown parent

Thank you, I'd rather be a trophy husband than support a tradwife
Unknown parent

Ah, see, i knew there was a trad wife catch.

Private schools. shudders

in reply to HellsBelle

It's surprising to me that married people are falling for this shit. I thought it was just incels desperate for anything that might give them a chance or an excuse.
in reply to Yermaw

There are actors building influence who benefit by more males being this way. They target ladies too, but in different ways. They are determined and focused.
in reply to HellsBelle

Occasionally my partner does or says some things that remind me of the “manosphere” aka 4chan neckbeards.

And when it happens, we talk about it. I don’t pretend or let it go as “he doesn’t mean it” or “he doesn’t know what he’s saying”. I don’t get mad and he doesn’t get mad. We have an adult discussion and I’m careful not to talk down to him.

A perfect example was that he sometimes says “females” when he means “women”. I explain that it’s not a swear word but it’s still derogatory. I explain why. Once I did, he understood and stopped doing it.

It doesn’t have to be a big deal! Communication is key!

in reply to w3dd1e

it’s still derogatory


It logically isn't.
While you think that, and anyone spending their future with you should mind it, it doesn't make it true.

in reply to lmmarsano

It is if you say “man” and “female” instead of “male” and “female”. While it can be a noun, it’s mainly used as an adjective to describe sex.

It’s like saying “A black owns the shop.” Instead of “A black man owns the shop.”

Notice how calling someone “a black” is kinda icky?

in reply to w3dd1e

if you say “man” and “female” instead of “male” and “female”.


That's extra cringe if they do: that person needs to sort out their words.
Is it not derogatory if they say “male” and “female”?

Notice how calling someone “a black” is kinda icky?


It's hard cringe & awkward: certain to provoke odd looks.

Referring to someone as an instance of their gender could be icky & cringe.
That it's also derogatory doesn't follow: the easiest counterexample is "a male".

This entry was edited (7 months ago)
in reply to lmmarsano

Male's haven't been actively repressed as a result of their gender for thousands of years. Simply switching the genders does not work because they're not equitible terms. Systematically speaking, they come from different backgrounds and expectations.

I take your point that "female" as a durogatory term is relative to the context it's used in. But we can't pretend we've lived in a world of equal opportunity that treats men and women, males and females, equally in trying to make that point.

in reply to Glide

in reply to lmmarsano

What makes you the ultimate authority on what terms a woman can consider "derogatory"? Where do you get the power to decide what words other people should use to describe their own feelings? What makes your opinion about it more valid than those of others?

Have you considered that the same word can make two different people feel two different ways? Unless you've got the power to know exactly what another person is feeling, there is nothing that makes your thoughts more valid than the thoughts of others in this matter. Doubling down that "derogatory" isn't the right word to use gives the impression that you don't believe "female" actually feels derogatory to a lot of women. Gotta wonder why that might be.

in reply to Whats_your_reasoning

Filtered word: nsfw

in reply to lmmarsano

in reply to Whats_your_reasoning

Filtered word: nsfw

This entry was edited (7 months ago)
in reply to w3dd1e

I was going to comment that, a while ago, I saw someone on Lemmy make almost exactly this comment.

Now I wonder if the person I saw was you or, alternatively, whether you saw the same person.

in reply to toynbee

I don’t recall where it came from. I definitely read it somewhere and didn’t come up with it on my own. Probably here on Lemmy or on Reddit before that! It was the first example I saw that was able to articulate why it doesn’t feel right to say “female” as a noun when referring to a person.
in reply to w3dd1e

Well, good on you for your progressive perspective and your willingness to express it.
in reply to w3dd1e

The rule of thumb I use is that you shouldn't use adjectives as nouns when talking about people. The adjective needs a noun to describe.
in reply to lmmarsano

in reply to SacralPlexus

in reply to the_q

I appreciate that he is willing to learn and grow. We all make mistakes. If you understand why it’s offensive and keep doing it, yeah red flag.

I think the ability to change with new information is admirable.

in reply to the_q

I'm sure this person really appreciates this warning about a person that they know and you don't
in reply to the_q

So, are you agreeing that your first comment was useless or that the comment you're replying to isn't? Can't have it both ways.
in reply to the_q

I'm guessing you're single.

Everyone, keep in mind, there's a lot of losers on the internet who will never find love and don't want you to find love, either.

Don't end up like them unless you want to.

This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to w3dd1e

i don't know how could anyone watch Star Trek DS9 and still call women "females" like a Ferengi
in reply to Match!!

serious answer: by consistently running and reading experiments that refer to male and female patients.

I try my best, but if I've read three-four papers in a day about a topic and all of them use male and female, probably gonna accidentally say female.

Unknown parent

It has also seeped into every aspect of male culture. You want to watch a YouTube show about cars? Sure. The first couple episodes are normal and then they start sliding in dumb shit.

You listen to a podcast about working out? Same thing goes. It’s little stuff here and there. Sometimes it starts as a reoccurring joke, but it keeps happening until they actually believe.

I also find there are a lot of young people who aren’t comfortable on computers and basically believe whatever they see on the internet, much like an older generation.

in reply to w3dd1e

Yeah, I was enjoying some videos about dumb Steven Seagal movies, but then I realized that every single one would have jokes about women being bad drivers, being overly emotional, etc. At first I took it as a humorous way to look at Seagal's misogyny, but then it became apparent that it was being applied in other cases where it didn't make sense. It was subtle, in the context of the rest of the videos, but a definitely present part was the manosphere mentality.
in reply to w3dd1e

There are people at my work place that I thought that I got along with and then all of a sudden they come out with the most bigoted things that I have ever heard. I straight up do not trust any man my age at this point there are just too many of them that are "hiding their powerlevel"
Unknown parent

lemmy - Link to source
Lyrl
As long as it's mutually wanted. One of the women interviewed for the article started building her career later in the marriage, and cites her husband's anger at her increasing independence as a major factor in their divorce.
Unknown parent

Not in that economy, no. That you can't afford a family with a single income anymore is one of the forces that lead to changing role models. Not that i think it's a bad thing.
in reply to HellsBelle

This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to perestroika

I think it’s a good strategy but it’s not fool proof. They’ll tell you what you want to hear and then slowly start pushing your boundaries. Or they’ll pretend to be one way only to get what they want out of you.
in reply to aceshigh

Sure, but I don't think it's meant to be foolproof, it sounds like a great way to start
in reply to perestroika

gives excessive gifts


Huge red flag. Becomes a tool of control (I was married into a wealthy family.)

The big thing is that they can change their personality after marriage - once you are trapped. There were red flags there, which I shouldn’t have ignored, but it was like night and day.

Mine started getting interested in stuff like religion - noticed that his pastor friend got to play WoW all day while the wife basically did everything.

in reply to perestroika

How to pull them out of the bog, no idea.


For my part I've just confessed my ignorance of what's going on on the commercial web, and shared with them the kinds of conversations I'm have on the non-commercial parts (fedi, email, chats, smol web, etc), which are usually nicer and more productive.

Although to certain extent I still consider this here a form a social media... and I'm not actually sure that it's good for us past a certain number of people. It might be "more cacophony than community" to quote one of Matthew Graybosch's blog posts.

It is better here than on the mainstream social medias, though. That's for sure for sure.


EDIT anyway, that's a total aside. I just couldn't help picking up that one thread. Good comment. I love your approach.

This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to w3dd1e

I opened a new YouTube account and watched some videogame videos. Rust if you're curious. I'm a woman and this game is played by mostly men.
At some point my husband was struggling with his mental health, we were in gridlock so I tried to look up male perspective mental health videos to see if i could understand him better or reach him in a new way.

Those two searches alone, unlocked a flood of bullshit into my feed. I couldnt believe the garbage I was bombarded with.

It is akin to how women are pummeled with beauty ads and standards (buy this to be pretty!) since we are young.

They figured out how to market this same insecurity to men.
Wild stuff

Edit: except they aren't just selling "self care" like they do to us, they're selling hate-

This entry was edited (8 months ago)
Unknown parent

I laughed at this and now I’m going to do that in my head whenever I see that word
This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to Lyrl

One of my (social work) profs advised us this could happen. And then it did to me.
in reply to Ickabod Kobain

Even if they come back. It's not worth the labour to hold their hand through that shit. Maybe their mom or dad can talk some sense into them, but I sure as shit wouldn't want to live with someone like that while they figure out how to screw their head back on straight.
in reply to HellsBelle

Just based on what I see women doing around me all the time, there were probably some warning signs. Looking for a dude that's "traditional" or whatever is asking for a dude that's going to see you like a form of livestock. It's partly a politics thing, but largely an assholes thing.

41% of young men support Tate versus just 12% of young women.


WTF those are both shockingly high.

in reply to Bytemeister

But first I would really like him to receive a serious public ass-beating, recorded for posterity. I feel like that would be worse for him than the prison time.
This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to CanadaPlus

There isn't anything wrong with a traditional worldview but it certainly doesn't fit most modern relationships. Either way I think all young men go through an idiot phase where it's easier to complain about the systems in place then to be introspective and improve yourself. I'm saying most people usually go through a redpill phase and if they are able to sympathize then it's usually a short phase. The bigger worry for me is that it seems a larger and larger amount of men are unable to sympathize with others.
in reply to thisisnotgoingwell

Depends what you mean by "traditional worldview". I'll go ahead and say young earth creationism shows a lack of openness to objective reality when it's not personally convenient.

In the context I mean, what gets justified with tradition is behavior like putting on a fake persona when dating, pushing boundaries, disregarding the rights of strangers around them and generally being an entitled, eventually controlling dickwad. They'll say that's what men have always done, and boys will be boys or whatever, but I'm certain nobody had to "twist their arm".

When I see one of those dudes dragging a girl around, I have to wonder if she's chasing a kink. That's not how you go about it, if so. 50 Shades of Grey was fiction.

This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to CanadaPlus

I want to say that's a young person thing but I'm not really sure. I know the world would be a much better place if say Alan Watts was a household name instead of Andrew Tate.
in reply to thisisnotgoingwell

I had to look it up, but it sounds like he was a new age/counterculture personality. I don't really see the connection.
in reply to thisisnotgoingwell

The bigger worry for me is that it seems a larger and larger amount of men are unable to sympathize with others.


Not unable, unwilling. It requires them to be 'weak' and concede that they may be part of the problem. I say this as a man that had to work through some of this shit when I was young.

in reply to lightnsfw

Right, it was implied though.

Essentially, we shouldn't listen to the men complaining but the men should listen to you complaining?

in reply to pablodaniel

No. We're saying you should look inward and address your own short-comings and poor behaviors before looking to blame external sources for your issues. No one is saying anything about what men should listen to.
in reply to lightnsfw

I agree on the "weak" part, being able to empathize with orders requires that you be able to admit your own faults, but I think empathy is actually a high-intellect ability. It's deeper than being just uninformed.
in reply to CanadaPlus

If you just translate the figures to "41% of young men, 12% of young women are stupid assholes", they make a bit more sense.
This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to vga

There are many different ways to be a stupid asshole, and you can even do it while at the exact opposite end of the political spectrum.
in reply to CanadaPlus

Confirmed. Sometimes I start a sentence and don't even know what my point is until I get to the end of it! I am a total fool. But at least I'm not a fuckin chud.
in reply to grrgyle

Yup. In the last week or two, I managed to snort shampoo. I wasn't trying to get high; I'm just operating at that level of organisation.

I'm not personally a left-wing asshole, although that's more of a show thing than a tell thing. But, I've gotten to know plenty. The point being that thinking Andrew Tate is cool is a very specific kind of dumb and/or mean.

in reply to vga

Still, 41% sounds absolutely critical level, like we need to stop all society and have a conversation, because that is so uncool.

Fucking 41... Like that is a plurality. That is a whole fucking lot of wrong people. That is entirely too many bros. I'm not sure I can impart just how disappointing that number is.

in reply to grrgyle

It is disheartening but still tracks with how I've seen older boys / younger men for decades.
in reply to CanadaPlus

Rachel, who is in her 30s and lives in London, met her partner on the popular dating app Hinge, and was struck by his generosity. He insisted on buying her gifts and giving her cash to spend. She thought her now ex-partner was a “normal, decent guy”.


Yeah....

in reply to blarghly

I mean, it's a tale as old as time.

Shitty males buy females thing to avoid being held accountable.

in reply to CanadaPlus

I disagree.

Usually it's the 'modern' women who have been convinced to be treated like livestock. Nothing very traditional about going to raves or wearing pasties.

in reply to pablodaniel

This entry was edited (7 months ago)
in reply to HellsBelle

Hmm. Follow the money people!

This seems like a ploy by therapists and divorce lawyers! Who else has to gain by this level of stupidity?

I mean i guess gene stealer cultist...But besdies them!

Unknown parent

Alt-Right playbook needs to be required reading for everyone online.
Unknown parent

I think you have right attitude. No one is immune to propaganda, and you really need to be careful in choosing what you consume.
in reply to HellsBelle

The culture war swung too far in a certain direction between 2012-2023 and this is the inevitable result. I saw this coming from a mile away.
This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to chunes

Can you give some examples? Do you mean the Supreme Court legalizing gay marriage in 2015? The #metoo movement in 2017? Black Lives Matter protests in 2020?

What do you think has gone too far?

in reply to iknowitwheniseeit

I agree with him, but I also respect his decision not to answer.

Unfortunately, people like you can't stand when someone says something you don't like so you constantly try to pull them into a debate.

Not everyone is worth replying to, regardless of how much they beg for a response.

in reply to pablodaniel

I'm a bigoted asshole and I have good reason. No, I won't elaborate. No, nevermind that my name is Pablo.
in reply to iknowitwheniseeit

I applaud legalized gay marriage and BLM protests.

No, it pretty much just comes down to demonizing men, constantly, to the point that they are not even allowed to stand up for themselves. Just standing up for men when they get generalized is enough to get you censored now.

That's why you've lost gen z men. It's not some mystery.

in reply to HellsBelle

there was plenty of warning signs for Years, even before the pandemic. if you look at how pickup artist operate, and then go on youtube. Tate isnt even a new phenemon, hes a culmination of the above problems. hes just the latest symptom, as was JOE ROGAN.
This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to Ledericas

Agreed.

It's clear though what kind of males fall for these influencers; the ones without good male role models or father figures in their lives.

Why don't they have good male role models or father figures? I think it's because they feel they can only choose between 'cuck' and 'chad' so when their insecurity flares up, they instinctively go with 'chad.'

Balance is lost among men in our society. There's no 'firmness' anymore. Either men are pensive emo teens, or they're boisterous blowhards like tate.

Anyone in between is ignored and forgotten about.

in reply to Ledericas

Yeah but in the olden days they were on a print ad in the back of Popular Mechanics, not the leading talk show in the nation.
in reply to HellsBelle

Im in a bubble where these guys are like the most laughable parody of themselves so maybe I'm biased but... I mean nobody is taking this kind of stuff serious right? I mean cool, free speech and such but dumb behavior had consequences, right?
in reply to DozensOfDonner

People absolutely take this stuff seriously. The problem is the most bone headed guys are the ones likely to fall for this stuff. Once they're sucked in it's hard to convince them otherwise.

It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.

in reply to CalipherJones

Yeah, I’m studying to be a teacher and have had several internships during my education.

Young teen boys, 12-15, are into it. They aren’t a majority, but they exist. One of the students came to me and asked if I knew what the matrix was. He was really into redpill shit! Had many conversations with him and hope he hasn’t gone deeper.

in reply to Grizzlyboy

The redpill shit can look really innocent at first. They start off with a lot of talk about self improvement, and that's great and all. It's just not too many steps away from the gaslight your bitch stuff.
in reply to Corkyskog

Taking the red pill means different things to different people.

I hope one day we can have psychologists seriously study and analyze the meaning behind such an idea and how it can be such a powerful tool.

in reply to BeardedGingerWonder

Isn't the manosphere pretty transphobic? I would assume they have pretty much divorced all Matrix concepts from the Wachowskis by now.
in reply to BeardedGingerWonder

No, the Wachowskis are trans and therefore bad.

X-pill has transcended the artist's intent, much like Pepe the Frog. Feelsbadman

This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to DozensOfDonner

It's probably 50/50.

50% of the people are using it as entertainment and laughing at/encouraging those who take it seriously. We can call them the 'trolls.'

50% of the people are actually taking it seriously and don't know any better. We can call them the 'tools.'

This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to DozensOfDonner

They definitely are, more and more, it's the same as every popular movement. They pad the propaganda with legitimately good advice and some controversial but easily supportable facts. That makes the more controversial items easier to swallow.
in reply to DozensOfDonner

You caught on early, and rejected it. There are plenty of new recruits introduced every day, who are taking it seriously.
in reply to parrhesia

Seriously I've already had this conversation with my husband. If no-fault divorce seems imminent we are divorcing preemptively.
in reply to vga

Divorce is in many case the trigger. The MGTOW-community was/is a lot of divorced men who feel mistreated by society, and blame women for it.
in reply to Naevermix

I remember being excited and thinking maybe I had found my people when I first heard about MGTOW thinking it would be dudes who realized maybe dating wasn't for them and instead were just focusing on improving themselves. Then I looked at their subreddit and no, just a shitton of misogyny.
in reply to lightnsfw

That’s the worst part of MGTOW. It’s a nice premise, and then they just dumped toxic waste on it.
in reply to RedPostItNote

in reply to l0ngest

Tbf I suspect a lot of this developed from people moving from a "we" mindset during WW2 to the "me" mindset that came out of Reaganomics.

When humanity can no longer look at our neighbour and simply respect them - no matter their skin colour, religion or political viewpoint - that's when the shit hits the fan.

And politicians have seen fit to feed this sickness rather than work towards unity ... because peace doesn't pay (or play) as well as divisiveness.

in reply to lightnsfw

Self improvement is a trap and misogyny is the scapegoat. "I have a nice car/house/job/makes lots of money now but still women won't fuck me, they must be evil!". It's always all about becoming some übermensh but never about finding a social context, which is what these men actually need.
in reply to Naevermix

in reply to lightnsfw

There's an old adage that you should never make life policy decisions based on how you feel in the moment. The MGTOW guys, even the "best" of them are stuck in a perpetual reaction state and thus their policy and mission statement are less actual tactics for finding comfort and peace, and more a reaction designed to elicit a response from other people.

It's a tantrum. They're all throwing a tantrum.

If you're actually making your own decisions about if you want to date or not, you just do it, you don't need to wear it like a uniform, you don't actually need community support outside of whatever actual social circle you [should] already have in life. The MGTOW movement, even in the most charitable possible light, is massively performative and expecting some kind of attention. This is why they get increasingly vocal and toxic, they're like the 11-year-old kid who packed all his favorite belongings in a checkerboard bindle over his shoulder and is at the front door shouting "I'M REALLY RUNNING AWAY NOW! FOR REAL! YOU'RE ALL GONNA BE SORRY!"

in reply to ameancow

you don’t actually need community support outside of whatever actual social circle you [should] already have in life.


For me the interest was in having a group to talk with that was of the same mindset and knowing I wouldn't have to deal with people complaining about their relationship issues or changing plans because of spouse/kids. Which is not something I have in life. I have individuals who I can talk with like that but if we get more than 3-4 of us together someone's going to start bitching about relationship stuff.

Yeah though the vibe of that community was exactly as you described and not what I was looking for at all.

in reply to lightnsfw

Yeah, on paper I'm a mgtow. After about 2 seconds I was like "wait, these people are losers." Turns out I'm a relationship anarchist.
in reply to vga

Yes. It is worth trying to address issues first, especially with kids/finances involved, but if nothing works divorce still does.

I would no longer recommend marriage tbh

Unknown parent

Views = money/support for them. Doesn't matter if you're laughing or not.
in reply to HellsBelle

Toxic masculinity, feeding itself, empowered by the forces of capital who desires culture war above class war.
in reply to Naevermix

I love just saying "toxic masculinity" anywhere online, even if you're deep in the bowels of Lemmy, you will get a few reactionary turds who just see the term and lose all cognitive ability to think and mash the downvote button between heated breaths and tears streaming down their faces.

edit: and it continues, very predictable. Seriously guys, just be honest if the term makes you feel shit, you will find truth by pursuing those feelings and the questions around them, literally you will figure out why you're actually unhappy. Don't pull back, push through. Yes, I am provoking, and if it's provocation that has an effect on you, that's a HUGE sign that you can figure out a big truth about yourself and the world if you spend like, 30 minutes in uncomfortable silence asking yourself "why" about things and being painfully honest in your replies until you hit bedrock.

This entry was edited (7 months ago)
in reply to ameancow

^ This reply shows me you don't understand what men like Andrew Tate are selling. He's selling validation to these boys and men, and you're providing a perfect marketplace for that product to sell like hot cakes.

When you reply like that to these people, the mental picture of grown men having hissy fits and "mashing downvote buttons with tears in their eyes" might feel good in the moment, but those men and boys aren't actually reacting like that. Instead, the message they get is they were right the whole time, that people like you really do just hate men and masculinity, and that people like Andrew Tate are the ones "on their side".

I get that it feels good to trigger people you don't like, but all you're doing is making Andrew Tate's job easier. Don't you think he's already making enough money as it is?

in reply to TheFudd

Well said. Looking down on impressionable men with this sort of smug contempt is how we go further down the path.
in reply to Boomer Humor Doomergod

Can I look down on them with disgust instead?


Andrew Tate would probably thank you for doing so. Without contempt and disgust from folks like you, he wouldn't have nearly as large of an audience, nor such an obscene amount of money.

in reply to Welt

Thank you, and I fully agree. I truly hope we're not so far down that path that bringing these boys back to sanity is impossible. Liberal western society spent a lot of time neglecting these boys, and that's ruined a ton of trust these boys once had in society.

Literally all that right-wing extremists like Tate had to do is tell these boys, "Hey, everyone seems to think you're the problem. I'm here to tell you that you aren't a problem - rather, they are the problem, and here's how to deal with them and get yourself ahead" and before you know it, they were eating out of the palm of his hand.

It's pretty clear to me that looking at boys as "the problem" instead of as human beings has a lot to do with the mess we're in right now.

This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to TheFudd

If they need validation from the likes of grifters and scumbags like Andrew Tate then they are already too far gone.

He's a fucking tool, and I have no idea why he appeals to young men. There's so many other, manlier, kinder folks out there who can provide that same validation.

in reply to Boomer Humor Doomergod

Maybe they're too far gone, but you're talking about impressionable young boys, like 10-16. At those ages we as a society agree that a lot of all childrens personalities aren't dictated by their own choices since they lack the life experiences and cognitive abilities to function as an adult. Instead they're highly impressionable, influenced by their social sphere and nowadays their social media feeds.

So sure, maybe you could say they're fucked from the jump, but understand that they are not taking as active of a role in who's forming their thought processes like a 25 year old getting hooked on Tate is.

in reply to Donkter

I've been a 10-16 year old boy. At no point was anyone like Andrew Tate "cool" to me. He's not witty, he's not talented, he's done nothing XTREME. He's clearly putting up a massive front to pretend to be interesting and for some reason - microplastics, smart phone addiction, whatever - it's working.

Back in the 90s we would have called him "poser."

Tate just talks into a microphone with his stupid friends. If that's what is considered "cool" to today's teenagers then they're definitely too far gone.

This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to Boomer Humor Doomergod

I honestly don't even know what to say lol. How do you think anyone forms an identity ever? We have - I was going to type decades - but centuries of case studies and writing about why people get roped into cults of personality and insane belief systems despite looking like lunatics from the outside.

What do you even think is happening to these people? Based on your previous reply the answer is "I have no idea" which should tell you you should look a little deeper into what's happening.

in reply to Boomer Humor Doomergod

I disagree. Maybe if they received validation from their families and community, they wouldn't need validation from grifters? I think it says quite a bit about society when people feel the need to purchase the same kind of validation that they used to receive for free from their own communities in ages past.

Nobody likes being told they're worthless, they're a loser, they're an incel, or a "stupid bro", or that all of their struggles aren't valid. If everyone around them is telling them those things - Including you - Then validation becomes a rare and valuable commodity... A commodity that someone like Tate can make a lot of money selling to people.

There’s so many other, manlier, kinder folks out there who can provide that same validation.


And yet, those "other, manlier, kinder folks" are not out there doing that, are they? Instead, many of them are calling these people losers and incels and lost causes beyond all redemption, just like you are right now.

Why should they listen to those "other, manlier, kinder folks" when they aren't acting very kind to them?

This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to TheFudd

Yah I used to one-on-one real-life coaching and mentoring, I've done my time, I've done my service, I've had several boys who became men send me letters thanking me for "saving their life" so I disagree about ALL of this, we shouldn't be expecting anything with our stupid online chatter. This whole post is useless compared to actually getting out and talking to people, making an actual impact on someone's life. The one thing that NOBODY wants to actually do. None of you readers out there want to talk to some incel and listen to their problems and give them actual help.

You want to bury men like Tate? You start getting boys off the internet entirely.

This entry was edited (7 months ago)
in reply to Naevermix

God damit this sentence makes me want to blow my brains out. It's too fucking thick in bullshit. You ever notice how the right will just call someone a pedo or gang member and that really works. It's not like they go " he's just socioeconomic poverty based victim of modern prison system" like just get to that point. Andrew is a grown man who targets children.
in reply to Melvin_Ferd

That's... Their point? Either you misread what they said or you wrote your response wrong.
in reply to HellsBelle

i think if your husband has weird ideas about women you're supposed to argue with him or something
This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to nutsack

Ideally, you have these "arguments" well ahead of time before you marry someone who has fucked up attitudes about anyone, anywhere.

People can absolutely change and "wake up" to realize that the shit they're holding onto is going to cost them their future and they will absolutely change for the better when they care for someone else and want a better future. But not everyone is willing or capable of self-examination, and many are also not willing or capable of making changes.

Find out before you both have your names on a mortgage or carton of eggs together.

This entry was edited (8 months ago)
in reply to ameancow

Unknown parent

What's about him is in the least bit funny or entertaining?
Unknown parent

I think the main problem is "regularly watch"
Unknown parent

lemmy - Link to source
merc

That's also bad. You regularly hate-watch him? Don't you have anything better to do with your time?

It should only take you about 15 minutes of watching him to understand his gimmick. He used undefined and undefinable terms like "cultural marxism". He cherry picks out of context sciencey stuff to back up his point of view. He acts super serial all the time to make people think he's a serious person. That's it. You don't need to watch any more.

Unknown parent

Kids in private school, high class vacations, all of it.


The fuck is traditional about any of that?

Are you one of those people who sees a movie about rich people in the past and assume that's how you would've lived?

in reply to HellsBelle

In the old days when you disappeared into a cult, you physically went to live with them and everything.

These days it’s “cult to go.” Good luck intervening and cutting off their link to the cult when the cult is speaking to them from their pocket.

in reply to scarabic

I miss those days, they'd go be weird on their own and not drag the rest of us into this crap
in reply to Sineljora

I've been deep diving into right wing propaganda for a decade and still not an incel. Still laughing at the fools and their weak beta energy.

Being able to speak their language is far more impactful. Not for the right wing tool spreading propaganda but rather for the lurker who has doubts.

Unknown parent

lemmy - Link to source
merc
That took seconds, listening to everything Jordan Peterson puts out takes hours and hours.
in reply to Lyrl

That is something I'll never understand. Like, if I became incredibly ill or died or lost my fucking mind or something, I would be happy knowing my partner or spouse wasn't suddenly completely fucked and could manage without me on their own if it came to that. I think honestly that's what alot of what this comes down to. These selfish dudes are mad that women are now in a position to take or leave a relationship and hunt for one that will be a positive addition to their life instead of needing to be in one to be allowed to survive, which men, as a whole, have nearly universally only had the sole privilege of in society, and some apparently can't deal with that going both ways.
This entry was edited (7 months ago)