…sure, let’s start by calling it that and set the tone… 🤔

As I write this, I just had my check-up at the hospital. Two x-rays were taken and then we had a chat with the first surgeon (a different one attended me after the dislocation and she did the second surgery). He started the convo with asking how things were going now, as I started off with a little bit of bad luck…

Well, that triggered me before I had even had a chance to respond… 😣

Some form of disclaimer, before I continue with my story (and some venting…):

I am not looking for sympathy. I don’t need people to feel sorry for what happened to me. It happened, nothing can change that fact. I experienced something I never wanted to experience, but I have now, so I can write about it, about how it was for me and how I tried to make the best of it. It’s my experience, and I share things from that point of view. So others may (and most likely will) have way different opinions, which will be based on their experiences. So just a heads up that this post is me, telling my story, and not something that’s a rule or guideline for everyone who’d be/who’s been in my position…

After 45 years on this globe, I’ve experienced quite a few little accidents, and some bigger ones, and then the surgeries that I got due to my congenital hip abnormality. I’ve had my share of pain and discomfort, and I’m not one that easily cries out in pain. So I can tell you with a 100% guarantee by Cynni stamp that the 5 hours where my hip was out of the socket/bowl, that those were the 5 most painful hours I’ve ever experienced… 😢

The way the health “providers” were annoyed that I could not “hop on the brancard” and/or “lift my leg up”… The fear I had while waiting for them to do something against the pain… The anxiety I had after the surgery, with huge fear of me not daring to do anything, not even sleep… 😔 I was so afraid that I did something to mess it up, that I was the cause of the hip “popping” out of it’s socket… And a thing that really bothered me is that they never really explained to me “what made it happen”.

They never answered me if it was something I did wrong… The only thing the second surgeon told me was that they needed to place a bigger ball into the socket, because there was too much tolerance between the old ball and the new socket. And during the talk at with the first surgeon last Tuesday, he mentioned that the new ball was 4mm bigger in diameter! This may sound like a little bit, but I guess that in medical terms, it is a huge difference! According to my app, 4mm converts into 0,15748 inch. So maybe that will tell the folks that don’t use metric something about it as well. But I would have liked to know that earlier, I would have liked to know what could have been the most likely cause of the hip popping out…

I was so scared that I had done something wrong! When I got home after the surgery, I was afraid to do anything. I didn’t even dare to sleep the first two nights, and those were Arwen’s last two nights, so my fear for the hip dislocating again got made worse by the fear of realizing that I was going to lose my soulmate. After Arwen passed away, I took a sleeping pill, as I desperately needed to sleep without my brain staying in trauma mode. It helped, a bit… But after a few days (I only used the sleeping pill for two nights though), I had been so scared to move, that I was getting a sore on my right heel… Even though I had a special mattress that was supposed to prevent them…

The more I have been learning about hip replacements, and hip dislocations and hip renovations… The more I started to realize that this was not something I did wrong… It was something the surgeon did wrong. Although I can’t judge why the surgeon opted out of changing the ball when he changed the socket, especially when the other surgeon opted for a 4mm bigger ball. That sounds like there should have been some tolerance before the replacement, with the small old ball.

But of course the surgeon would never admit that he may have made a judgemental error. He will not say out loud that it could have been prevented if I would have gotten the bigger ball during the original surgery. And of course, there is no guarantee that this would not have happened if I would he gotten the bigger ball to begin with. But to brush it off with me having a little bit of bad luck… That just made me feel angry… I never expected a comment where he would apologize for making this misjudgement about the ball and socket… But I was angry that he diminished the trauma and pain that I had to endure for about 5 hours, followed by a painful night and another surgery, which was followed bt 6 very painful recovery weeks…as “just some bad luck”.

So yeah… If I would need to get another hip surgery, I guess I would try to get an appointment with the second doc, the female one, who helped me in the ER, who was honest with me, who explained things to me, and who told me that she had replaced the ball because the one I had appeared too small, according to her…

I just don’t get how surgeons can demean your experience with just a few stupid words, especially when the cause of that (bad) experience was caused by the way they (mis-)judged things during a surgery. A surgery where you put all your trust in the ability of the surgeon. And then they make a bad judgment call, or even a mistake, and then things go bad, and they just…. 😖

Ah well… I try to stay positive and well, I have crossed off another “experience to have before I die” off the list, although it was not on there when I went into the OR the first time this year…

I just wish some medical professionals would use their words more wisely. That they would be more honest and that they would give you better info. It’s my life I trust them with, it’s my future that they have in their hands, and I want to be sure that I am receiving the best care. And that I know what this care will be so I can prepare for it all… But I guess, in the world we’re living in now, with people finding reasons to sue others for this and that, that surgeons will never openly admit to bad judgment or mistakes, because they fear it may cost them too much (never mind what it may have cost the patient… 😔).

Well… Hopefully someone in the medical expertise area will come across this post and maybe take something useful from it… 🍀

Thank you for your interest in my blog. I really appreciate your visit. If you like my posts and you want to share them on your social media, please, feel free to do so! I’d be honored. If you don’t want to miss a thing, press the follow button (you’ll need to be a signed in WP user) or you can follow me though the FediVerse with the link below, or scroll down and leave your email below this post. If you are a WP user and you would like me to know you liked my post, press the star/like button please. You can also comment when you see this post as a Toot on the Fediverse, and I’ll be notified of that as well. Thanks ever so much! Of course comments are welcome, but spam won’t get shared, so don’t bother with that…

Please be wise and stay safe! I hope to see you back real soon again, feel free to drop in anytime! Wishing you all the best. With love, Cynni 🌹

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