I can’t find my way. Why?
For the past two years I’ve been trying to create new content for TROM and I failed. I don’t have to do it, but I want to. Else I feel lost and I will explain why.
I have never been trapped in such a suffocating situation before.
I remember people telling me how they envy my drive and how I am like a “rock” in a storm, I keep on being the same, create stuff, engage, be active. That was my “activism” activity online. So many projects, websites, books, videos, I was a machine really.
Even I was thinking how good that my only problem is money and not some mental struggle. Because if I have money I know what to do.
Now I still don’t have much money, but money is also not an issue currently. I don’t think much about it because this is my home:

I am typing this article from inside this little thing we call Tortuga (Tortoise). Because it is slow but resilient :). But living in this way allowed me to live with a lot less. 5-600 Euros a month is enough for me to live, travel, eat and pay for internet. Half of what I needed before.
When I started my “activism” my immediate environment sucked. Living with my parents, we were all poor, stressed, my family was slaving to a job in Spain. I had no money and no way to take care of myself. Everyone I knew was a total zombie, trapped robot citizens, mushed brains, livestock meat. I HATED it! I was and felt alone.
The outside world was the same mess. I was disgusted by it. Buy, work, be trapped, be an idiot. Destroy, lie, deceive. Compete, don’t give a fuck, be a dick.

I felt trapped but I mentally untrapped myself.
I found some hope online. My blog was reaching some people, so I felt like someone is listening. Then came across organizations like TVP/TZM and realized there might be a hope to this bullshit society.
It was a path that I was seeing from my dark place to something. Something…I don’t know what, but something.

And this path gave me hope. This world can be a paradise if we are scientifically minded and understand that the society we live in is a human invention, so to not let this invention stay in our way of creating a better society. Money, social statuses, countries, ownership, all that is fantasy! If only we can make people see that, then we can use our science-brain and solve problems without being stopped by these fantasies.
We have food, let’s feed people. We have cancer treatments, let’s treat people. We want to build a museum, let’s build it. Not via monetary limitations, but volunteer organizations. If we have NOT, then we must at least have NOT enough resources or knowledge. I cannot accept that we have NOT “money”. That is bullshit.
My mission: come with me on this path out of this bullshit human society, and things will emerge. We just need to make people see the world for what it is.
After all if I were to realize that we live in a computer simulation I would FOR SURE react strongly to that and would want to get to the bottom of it!

Imagine if I were to just say: hm yeah, but I still have to eat and survive in this simulation so…is nothing I can do…

I thought now the main focus is to make people realize that we live in a simulation. A human fantasy simulation.
So I was like a machine gun, firing videos, documentaries, projects, blog posts, books, articles, memes. I was managing 8 social networks at once. Post everywhere. Podcasts? Yes! Debates? Yes! A new documentary? Yes! More websites? YESSS!
And I was firing them in my immediate environment and the outside world.

And so I spent the past 15 years! In this intense way.
I started to get donations so my immediate environment became better. Less stress, more comfortable.

The Rupture.
After so much effort I realized some hard truths.
- Reaching people with these messages is an infinite struggle and has become almost impossible recently. Everyone is consumed on idiotic platforms. No new content can easily reach them. My machineguns were kinda obsolete. I do not have the energy and motivation to make TikTok videos or click baity content…I cannot. And without this you do not exist.
- Even when you reach people their heads are a mush because of so much content online. Too many things people have to deal with. How my message dissolves in these brains is tasteless. They scroll to the next thing.
- Even when the content dissolves in some brains in a tasteful way, these people are also trapped with jobs and other issues.
- The world has become a tsunami of problems and stupidity. From the COVID pandemic with its mental conspiracies orbiting it, to Russia going at war with Ukraine, Israel mass murdering people in Gaza, Trump being a shitshow clown, people murdered, loud political debates, anger, more idiots, more consumerism….
- Organizations and movements like TVP, TZM and the like dissolved.
I realized the outside world is far bigger and more problematic than I thought. And for the past years it expanded infinitely into the stupid, moronic, and violent.

I felt the path leads to nowhere. There is no path. I felt locked into my immediate environment. Friends, family, Tortuga.

I finally have amazing friends and my family is ok. I have a fucking Tortuga! I feel quite safe. I am on my own kinda and can take care of myself. I can go see super nice places out in the world.
I am fine. In that sense. But…
I see no path forward, nothing to look up to. No escape from the outside world. I find it impossible to live in my own nice bubble and ignore it. But I also cannot see a path forward.
And this has destroyed me inside. For the first time in 15 years I feel lost. I do not feel motivated to fire up anything at this world: no more books, content, projects. I don’t feel like it is going to have any impact.
I am still super happy to keep our projects alive and relevant. And I hope to also create new content. But it is hard. Even more so when my new lifestyle forces me to interrupt my work every few days. I need to move move move…get water for the motorhome, buy food, get gas, etc..
On the other hand if I were to stay in one place for longer, I would perhaps get even more depressed since I cannot find much joy and hope into creating new stuff and being actively active in my “activism”.
So maybe when I am forced to go from one place to another, is a way to keep me distracted and to allow me to continue, whatever that “continue” means.
I know this is a depressing post. And I have made several like this in the past. But this is the truth. And the truth also is that for the past 2 years or so I could not find a way out for me. Mentally that is.
So at times I am super happy and relaxed, then next day I can be totally down. I fluctuate a lot. And that is bothering me.
There are good things to look forward in my green bubble. A total solar eclipse this year and for that I will meet up with the rarest of humans, those who are smart, sane and kind. Cannot wait for that. I am also enjoying this Tortuga earthship and I look forward to see where she will take me. It is my little bubble and I still fire up some stuff into the outside world via TROM.tf, VideoNeat or TROMjaro. Maybe more will come. IDK.
But I have tried and I am either demotivated to throw content into a blackhole that this world is, or always get interrupted by life.
For now I will try more. And if nothing works, at least I still have my green bubble and I may accept to be comfortable with only that.

And don’t worry I am fine, is perhaps a normal reaction to a shithole society. Maybe I need to go through a rough road of acceptance that there is nothing there in the outside outside world that is hopeful.
We will see. At least making this post helps me a bit.
I will eat something. Take a nap. And maybe when I wake up I can even “fire up” some content for TROM. Update my never ending drafts that are meant to become books or videos one day. Because I know that I cannot just stay. I need to do something, even if it goes nowhere.
When the problems are inside of your mind, and you need your mind to fix them, it is harder than climbing the tallest mountain. But it is doable.
-jonny-
in reply to Tio • • •You might enjoy this excelent (and funny) talk of Jon Rappoport who exactly talks about this topic.
youtube.com/watch?v=_noA7-qY26…
Mind Control | Jon Rappoport
secretspaceprogram (YouTube)Tio
in reply to -jonny- • •-jonny-
in reply to Tio • • •Amina das Jojo likes this.
Tio
in reply to -jonny- • •I will have to give this a pass then. If there is anything para-normal it is either "we do not know what this is" and leave it as that, or it can be explained with science and thus is nothing "para" about it.
What I am talking about, and what psychologists and psychiatrists are recommending is to be more honest about the labeling of human behavior in this simplistic DSM way, and focus on what makes people struggle mentally. Sure may be that the pharmaceutical industry is enjoying the livestock approach where they sell pills for these mental disorders and they push for the labeling, but the focus is on the positive side to understand that these behaviors are complex and need help more than just some pills.
It is sad and terrible to combine this valid criticism of the current diagnosis of mental disorders with "paranormal" and all sort of conspiracies.
Amina das Jojo likes this.
Amina das Jojo
in reply to Tio • • •Psychic phenomena tend to be dismissed, but only by today's western culture.
That psychiatric medicine "medicate[s] people out of it" fits with what a friend once told me, namely that the medicine he had to take closed his "third eye".
The Power Threat Meaning Framework makes sense. But as long as therapies are covered by insurances one will need at least an assessment by the doctor that one has to be treated.
Tio
in reply to Amina das Jojo • •I very much doubt that there is a suppression of seeing a different reality via the Psychiatric field, other than seeing how this trade based society consumes us and makes us idiots and depressed.
What makes "Psychic phenomena" remain in the realm of fantasy is their lack of scientific validity.
Amina das Jojo
in reply to Tio • • •@Tio
I too don't think this is deliberate. If you ask me it's just an unconscious outcome of a misled approach to what is known as "mental disorders". Mental processes are described as electricity in the brain, fuelled by neurotransmitters. That's one reason why mental illnesses are treated with pharmaceuticals.
Psychic Phenomena can be validated, and have been for a long time. Take for example Rupert Sheldrake's experiments with phone calls, a more recent validation which you can read about here: sheldrake.org/research/telepat… I must add that I haven't read this particular text, but know about these experiments from one of Sheldrake's books.
The question why it is dismissed remains open. I think one reason is that it seems to contradict today's common sense. Belief systems are tough. Research in this field is a reputation killer.
A Filmed Experiment on Telephone Telepathy with the Nolan Sisters
Rupert Sheldrake – Author and BiologistTio
in reply to Amina das Jojo • •-jonny-
in reply to Tio • • •If you are interested in looking past your prejudices, I recommend to you the books of Dean Radin, especially his latest piece called The Science of Magic. (I got to know him through Jon Rappoport, by the way.)
Amina das Jojo likes this.
Tio
in reply to -jonny- • •Amina das Jojo
in reply to Tio • • •@Tio
Wikipedia is common sense. I haven't read it, because I think I know the main argument, and would have used it myself some time ago. It's how I was educated in school and at home. If there is something in the article you want me to answer to, please tell me.
Apart from that I recommend thinking about Sheldrake's experiment, and what it would mean if it wasn't fake.
Not having seen the Rappaport video (@-jonny-), to me it is clear that the recognition of psychic phenomena would have an impact on how mental illnesses are percieved and treated, apart from the diagnosis issue.
-jonny- likes this.
Tio
in reply to Amina das Jojo • •en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telepath…
Case closed. There is nothing we can talk about if there is science and experiments showing this obvious thing is nonsense. I would like you to kindly accept that and move on. Am definitely not interested to talk about telepathy in 2026 no more than talking about witches.
Amina das Jojo likes this.
-jonny-
in reply to Tio • • •The Shamanic View of Mental Illness
UPLIFTAmina das Jojo likes this.
Tio
in reply to -jonny- • •Seeing these states of mind as something different than a "mental disorder" is normal, specially in different cultures, but that does not make wishful thinking and fantasies become reality. There is no such thing as "spirit". Only perhaps as a metaphor. You are your brain, and that is cells (neurons).
I can't believe I have to explain these....
Amina das Jojo likes this.
Amina das Jojo
in reply to Tio • • •@Tio
Thank you. So this is what you're referring to. All I know is that there is controversy among scientists about the topic. Sheldrake is a biologist, and his approach in the case I linked to you is simple, and scientific, and there are others, too.
And no, I'm not my brain.
-jonny- likes this.
Tio
in reply to Amina das Jojo • •like this
Georgi and Amina das Jojo like this.
Amina das Jojo
in reply to Tio • • •Thank you for linking the article about Shamanism, and referring to "the dark night of the soul". Rappoport is also bookmarked.
-jonny- likes this.
-jonny-
in reply to Tio • • •@Tio My friend, I really don't feel the urge to argue with you, since it is very hard to argue with someone who obviously has some kind of superiority complex. Believing your truth is the only one out there is arrogant at best (or fascist at worst). Keep your materialistic world view if it suits you. I have nothing against it. In fact I have been there myself. My opinion about paranormal phenomena though is not based on a Wikipedia article (which btw is not a very reliable and far from scientific source to quote). It is based on personal experience.
Which concludes this topic for me. I guess the only thing we have in common is our love for free software. That's okay.
Have a nice day.
Amina das Jojo likes this.
Tio
in reply to -jonny- • •-jonny-
in reply to Tio • • •Tio
in reply to -jonny- • •Quite an irony for you to say that when you are talking about a total nonsense that has been debunked by scientists via the scientific method for hundreds of years now, and by scientists from all around the world. You need to understand what science is. Experiments, replication from independent organizations, measurements, etc.. Not some dude who makes a youtube video or some book written by who-knows-who.
But man such an irony for you to associate me with a religious fundamentalist. I wish you could see the astonishing stupidity you have soaked yourself into. But you won't. As it usually is with those who are "awake" and "against science" or "scientism" as they call it. What a joke.
Let's move on. You go live in your make-belief fantasy and I live in a scientific reality. And we can ignore each other. I think that would be better for both of us.
Go believe in whatever you want, the world is a mess anyway it won't make any difference, we are already in the Idiocracy era.
-jonny-
in reply to Tio • • •How generous of you. Finally! Thank you.
I have just one last question. You seem to have the need to lecture me about what “science” is. Like a religious person that wants to convince me how and why his religion is better. Why is that? (I’m asking because I hold a scientific degree for over a decade now and am well aware about its benefits and its limitations)
I never said I am “anti science”. Far away from it! The scientific method is an incredibly valuable tool (even for paranormal phenomena). And since I am 100% certain about that I don’t have the need to convince anyone.
Tio
in reply to -jonny- • •I am far from lecturing you, all I am saying is that you go against what is scientifically proven at this moment in regards to that "paranormal phenomena". You make extraordinary claims, and you need ofc extraordinary evidence. Don't take it with me, the random fedi guy, go do some science with your scientific background and prove that these "paranormal phenomena" are actually scientifically valid. Until then they are not. If you want to accept it or not, it is a different question....
When something is scientifically proven to be factual we have no choice but to accept it. And so would I if these "paranormal phenomena" will be scientifically valid.
We can't solve this issue here. Go do the science.
-jonny-
in reply to Tio • • •Tio
in reply to -jonny- • •There is a reason why you make "is" italic in "The science is there" because even you probably understand that the "paranormal phenomena" is not accepted by the scientific consensus. Nothing scientifically proven. It is floating around circles of people who proclaim is something scientific about it, while in fact they lack any scientific proof to make it science.
I can't help you I'm afraid..."paranormal phenomena" is fantasy. Until it is proven to be anything scientific about these phenomena we can leave it as that....try to be humble and accept this reality.
-jonny-
in reply to Tio • • •Tio
in reply to -jonny- • •-jonny-
in reply to Tio • • •Tio
in reply to -jonny- • •-jonny-
in reply to Tio • • •That's because you don't know me Tio. Actually, you don't know anything about me. You are merely projecting your prejudices onto me based upon some text I've written. But I must admit it was really funny, so I guess I have to thank you for making me laugh.
Now, if you had read what I wrote earlier, you would have noticed that my opinion is based on personal experience. Not on pretending, not wishful thinking, and certainly not on a Wikipedia article. But you chose to put something in my mouth that came right out of your imagination. That's not "humbleness", that is pure ignorance paired with arrogance.
Tio
in reply to -jonny- • •Alien (A23P)
in reply to Tio • •"When something is scientifically proven to be factual we have no choice but to accept it."
This is tantamount to not only saying "trust the science", but also a gross misunderstanding of what "science" itself is.
At the end of the day, "science", may be likened to a philosophical branch that begins with a premise of
"We don't know sh*t"
(regarding THE "truth"),
which then progresses to,
"in an attempt to know sh*t, we're gonna fook around to try to find out and record our results."
BUT, it doesn't stop there, because the whole reason to "f around and find out" paired with recording results is two fold:
A. The first assumption, "we don't know sh*t"
B. So that others can then also "f around and find out if the conclusions drawn from our previous attempt(s) still seem solid"
The part B. is crucial, because implicated in that is the fact that
... Show more...SCIENCE DOESN'T TRUST THE SCIENCE.
"scientific fact" ≠ Truth
and NO WHERE in the sciences has "scientific fact" EVER meant anything more than "we f'd around to try to find out and sh*t still SE
"When something is scientifically proven to be factual we have no choice but to accept it."
This is tantamount to not only saying "trust the science", but also a gross misunderstanding of what "science" itself is.
At the end of the day, "science", may be likened to a philosophical branch that begins with a premise of
"We don't know sh*t"
(regarding THE "truth"),
which then progresses to,
"in an attempt to know sh*t, we're gonna fook around to try to find out and record our results."
BUT, it doesn't stop there, because the whole reason to "f around and find out" paired with recording results is two fold:
A. The first assumption, "we don't know sh*t"
B. So that others can then also "f around and find out if the conclusions drawn from our previous attempt(s) still seem solid"
The part B. is crucial, because implicated in that is the fact that
SCIENCE DOESN'T TRUST THE SCIENCE.
"scientific fact" ≠ Truth
and NO WHERE in the sciences has "scientific fact" EVER meant anything more than "we f'd around to try to find out and sh*t still SEEMS solid"
In FACT, one can find SCIENTIFIC records of previous "scientific facts" having been discarded, changed, or otherwise revised throughout virtually all scientific history.
"Psychology", in many respects, then does in FACT become a "Pseudo Science" in many regards.
Why?
Well for one, not in the DSM, nor much of anywhere in the "(academic/mainstream) sciences" is one going to find a cold hard "scientific" definition of "consciousness."
Or, as I often like to say,
"I may perhaps forever find myself perplexed by how, to the tune of billions, people came to accept as both experts and leaders, those that could not explain to them what consciousness is, yet had the audacity to sell them life insurance."
Next, "Psychology" frequently bypasses the part B. of the "scientific philosophy" by making assertions while leaving no repeatable observable record of how one may go about to
"f around and find out if our prior results still seem solid".
People like to detach "science" from "philosophy" for some reason, and it's a grave error, because as noted, SCIENCE IS A BRANCH OF PHILOSOPHY.
Similarly in grave error, people mistake "science" as some sort of establishment of "truth", when the fact is that more than an "establishment of truth", it's simply a philosophical approach to "seeking truth". Further, because science is merely "truth seeking" as opposed to "truth establishing", SCIENCE DOESN'T TRUST THE SCIENCE (never has, never will).
Tio
in reply to Alien (A23P) • •Oh man one more...
Science is the best tool we have. Period. And yes science always changes and improves. But what is today scientifically valid it is the best we have and the truth-est truth. And that can change.
All of this philosophical talk is a lot of poop drops. Let's keep it to the point.
Alien (A23P)
in reply to Tio • •Foundational corner stones aren't poop drops mate.
And saying "science is the BEST tool we have" is itself, scientifically, a bit of a stretch. Is it "a" tool, yes. Far as it being "the best"....
May we remember Goddell....
math.uni-hamburg.de/home/khoms…
And as already prior noted, one may have fun in attempts to bring their "scientific facts" regarding what consciousness is.
*and if one can't establish that cornerstone, where's that leave the "psychological sciences"?*
My intent here, more than arguing for or against things "paranormal", Rapport, Wikipedia, etc.
was simply to try to help keep arguments and/or debates from one way or another stretching outside their own boundaries.
Such said, in a look to placating appeals to "scientific fact"; the further work on Goddell has been offered for standing FACT on current and running "scientific facts".
Tio
in reply to Alien (A23P) • •"mate" if is not science what is? Tell me a better method to find out what is happening in the world? And by that I mean how we discover stuff, know stuff. If science cannot explain something, neither can you.
Am so tired of these para-people with their own theories, thinking they are above the scientific method.
Tio
Unknown parent • •